Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New Year!


On this new year's eve 2006, I am grateful to have absolutely nothing planned. It has never been a really big deal for me. Sure, there have been lots of parties throughout the years (followed by tons of gruesome hangovers) and plenty of favors to go with them. Although this year I had invites to be sure, the one that sounded the most tempting was my couch...inviting me to flop and the dvd player screaming at me that it is finally time to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean"! So, that's my big plan for new year's eve tonight. Goll, I sure do miss Dick Clark...he always made it extra fun! The one thing I will miss is my glass of champagne at midnight...this year I'm opting for wine since I usually end up tossing all but a partial glass. Who decided it had to be champagne anyway...I don't even really like the stuff! Oh well...


Happy New Year to all!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Me, Myself and I

I am officially declaring 2007 as 'Year of the Single'. So what if I don't have any Chinese blood coursing through my veins...it's not as if the zodiac will sue for copyright infringement, right? Yes, once again I am so happy to be alone it is truly insane. I embrace my singlehood with loving (albeit empty) arms. It is true that I have not always been this enthusiastic about flying solo but with all of the exciting things on my agenda for the upcoming year...I don't think I could do it any other way. Just today I realized how lucky I am to not have to answer to anyone, adhere to someone else's schedule or see the movie HE wants to see. Sure, there are times it would be nice to have a man close by...I feel this most poignantly at night as I'm falling asleep and wishing I was being held, feeling the breath of another being on my neck. Well, once in a while the cat sneezes on me, so I suppose you could count that.

Take today...for instance. Here are just some of the reasons I was overjoyed to be amongst, well...nobody.

My day began with some light house cleaning (and it began at 10:45am, when I decided to wake up) some of which was quite overdue. However, there was nobody here to point that out and they aren't there to complain when it hasn't been done. This was followed up with the dreaded task of...

laundry. Yes, not my favorite chore but did I feel that I couldn't hang my delicates throughout the house...no, I had no qualms about it. In fact, as I write this I am staring at bras and underwear on a drying rack (in the middle of my living room)...and it is effin' great! Shortly after my lunch had digested, it was time to...

hit the treadmill. Did I immediately jump in the shower to clean myself up? No, I decided to rest my weary (and sweaty) tush for about a half hour in my comfy chair to finish a book. Later in the afternoon I decided...

what to make for my dinner. I decided on just exactly what I wanted (well, maybe not EXACTLY, I'm dieting as you'll recall) and I will do the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that...well, you get it.

I could go on endlessly explaining all of the perks that are offered to singles everywhere, but I'll stop with only those that were offered me today. I could also provide you with a long list of the things I don't proffer from being single...but they aren't resonating with me now. I look forward to making this new year all about me. Call me self-indulgent...but sometimes it's the only shoe that fits!

I raise my glass of wine to singles everywhere...may you make this new year the best it can possibly be! And hang your undies wherever you please!

Friday, December 29, 2006

Like Sands Through the Hourglass




Ok...I confess, "Days of our Lives" was a favorite soap opera of mine years ago. However, that is not what prompted the title of this post. For some reason that phrase has just been running through my head ad nauseum for the past three days. Is it reminiscent of the quiet, soothing lull of McDonald Carey's baritone? Is it lifting me effortlessly as I carry out task after task at work (which, incidentally, is where I've been spending the majority of my time for the past 3 days)? Well, not exactly...it's a bit more cacophonous and sounds much more like this:

LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS...SO ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES!

Yes, nothing lulling or soothing here...more like a jackhammer striking continuous blows dangerously close to your head. And yep...you guessed correctly, it is annoying. I'm in that floaty place where everything just becomes mechanical and you have to stop yourself 4 times while trying to complete a task just to ask yourself exactly what task needs completing. Speaking of tasks, I'd best get back to it. I'm so hoping it won't be another 15hr day...but at least I know there's more wine waiting for me at the end of it! And then sleep, blessed...glorious sleep!


After which, my life will undoubtedly resemble this lovely lulling and sensationally soothing picture (or something much better than it is now resembling)!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

My One Year Itch Has Arrived (Two Years Late)!

I have quite the storied employment history. If you were to look at a resume' of mine, dating back to my first job as a teenager through my current job today, let's just say I hope you have a few extra gigabytes because you'll need em! I have even gone back in my mind, trying to recollect when and where I was employed over the past 18 years. I believe the job I held the longest since graduating college over 10 years ago, and prior to my current job, was my second teaching position, which I held for all of about 1-1/2 years. So, that would mean that my current job holds the record for the longest I have worked anywhere before on a FT basis. The longest PT job I held was at a bingo hall for close to 5 yrs as a caller and floor clerk; coming in a close second was my very first PT job ever, as a lifeguard and swim instructor, which I held for a whopping 4+ years! I also worked another PT job while in college for about the same period of time. Since graduating college, throughout the past 10+ years, I have held a total of 10 jobs (7 FT, 3 PT) This is also not including various (and countless) temporary jobs that were fill-ins between the FT jobs. I have done everything from administrative work to bartending to delivering papers in those 10 years. Yes, she's a blaze of activity, that little resume' of mine. I attribute my wanderlust to a very low threshold for monotony and repetitiveness. I get stuck in a rut and find myself bored quickly if I don't have something to keep me challenged at work, which seems to have been my demise from many a job. Of the 6 previous FT jobs, I was fired from 3 (for beyond bogus reasons, also for another blog someday) and I quit 3 voluntarily.

I am coming up on 3 years in my current FT position, which is also the only job I have now (also a first). I usually get the itch after about a year...they've kept me 'baited' here by promising promotions, dazzling duties, etc...yet, as of yet, those promises haven't come to pass and I am beyond upset and am now drowning in a sea of ambivalence, from whence I rarely resurface. This nonchalant, non-caring attitude is considerably worse than the previous anger, given that any emotion is better than none at all . This is a very sucky time of year to be here and everyone is under much stress and very crabby as we are all putting in very, very long hours in the effort to close out another year. So, am I itching? Oh yeah...I'm just not scratching yet. I'm hoping things will become more tolerable after the first of the year when I start school and am working toward something I know I will eventually enjoy...and perhaps not have to endure that insatiable itch which has, in effect, manufactured my lengthy (yet highly colorful) resume'!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Post-Holiday Crash

Well, I just received some less than exciting news. I just learned that as of 1/15/07, my wages will be garnished by the Department of Education for my student loans. I did have a heads up on this but did not know things would be happening quite this quickly. I am not thrilled that this is happening, of course, and I will fight it if I can...since according to the letter I received, the garnishment will continue until the balance is paid in full, while the principal will continue to accrue interest as I go. To the tune of 15% of my take home, with a total balance of probably about $26,000...that's one hell of a long time before I see my entire check again. I am not looking forward to the big lump that will be missing on that 1/15 check. Of course I blame myself for just letting things skirt by for so long. I have no idea what this will do to me financially just yet...and I'm most certainly not in a hurry to find out.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

My Dinner Tale (or Tail)

This is a fun story...one I will never forget. I had decided earlier this evening that as part of my new weight loss plan, I would actually start to use my table for meals that are eaten at home. I've now lived by myself in this apartment for 1-1/2 years and can honestly say this is only the 2nd time I've used the table to dine, as opposed to using it as a catch-all! So...to further add to the ambience of my evening...I decided to light a couple of candles to help commemorate the occasion. I have my fabulous dinner (if I do say so myself) all prepared, have lit my candles and am sitting down to 'dig in'...everything is wonderful. Enter the cat.

Now, I should mention that much of my day was spent cleaning my apartment in preparation for a house guest next week. Said cleaning did not exclude the afore-mentioned (and courtesy of the season, especially clutter filled) catch-all, which had previously been my dining room table. At one point during the day, while wandering about cleaning here and there, I happened to notice my cat sitting on the table. Apparently this was quite the experience for her, and while it was not the first time she had been there, it was the first in a long time. Yes, she simply had little room to move with all the clutter atop. I chuckled as I caught her sitting and staring intently at the prints on my dining room wall...as if taking in this part of her small world for the very first time...and perhaps it was. I mention this not as part of the dinner story itself, but merely to call attention to my cat's newly discovered fascination with the table.

As I began to take nourishment, I glanced down at my cat who was sitting at my feet...preparing to make her launch. Mind you, my table isn't large...just a small, round 4-chair table...and it wasn't exactly completely cleared of the clutter...leaving little room for her to maneuver whilst competing with the dinnerware, candles and centerpiece. As she made her way across the table her tail moved to and fro, waving dangerously close to the flickering flame. Then, as she made her final turn in preparation of her descent to the chair...into the flame her tail did go. Since I saw this coming ahead of time...I immediately grabbed her blazing tail with my bare hand to snuff out the flames! She didn't seem to be much worse for the wear...I suppose it would be akin to lighting the very end of your hair on fire...completely dead. You should all be happy to know that she is now sleeping peacefully on the ottoman, none the wiser.

I, however, struggled to enjoy one of the few meals ever taken at my dining room table as my nose matched wits with the smell of burnt tail. Perhaps if I wouldn't have opted to dine on fish...the whole thing could have been avoided? I guess in this case, curiosity burned the cat!

Friday, December 22, 2006

She Jingles ALL the Time!

Call me petty...call me rude, crude, insensitive, pessimistic, unfestive and lacking in the holiday spirit...but lucky for me, I can't really hear you anyway so I'm still going to say it!!!!

I should preclude this by saying that I don't work directly with this person...and don't even come into contact with her everyday. Depending on when and if my colleagues and I are able take our morning/afternoon breaks, we sometimes bump into her there. I'm sure everyone either currently knows or has known at some point in their lives a person of this nature, shall we say? She is just this bubbly, happy, always chatty person. I don't think it's genuine. Ok, to be fair I should say I don't think it's genuine all the time. She has this nagging need to be 'friendly' with everyone in the office and there isn't one person she excludes in this endeavor. She wants to know what's happening in everyone's life and what their opinion is on everything under the sun...and has made it her personal mission to know little personal things about everyone she comes in contact with.

Now, I attribute this next piece to my female wiles...that and my love for psychology and the art of picking people to pieces...hehehe! She tends to like to monopolize the conversation and be the center of attention...and yet, it doesn't seem to be an ego-driven thing. That's why I sometimes struggle when questioning how genuine she is or is not. She rarely talks about herself and does often appear to have a genuine interest in what people have to say...but she doesn't like it when you aren't directing your reply to her or you stray and start talking with someone else at the table. Sadly, (for men everywhere) the men seem to eat it up and give her just what she is craving. As for me, I will do this on a good day, most days...not so much. Especially now since I have been observing this for well over a year now and am really trying to figure out just exactly what her game is already!

I apologize ahead of time because this is going to sound horrible...but I don't know what her appeal is, especially to men. Speaking strictly from a physical sense, she is not overly attractive or anywhere close to a size '0' (which is the new size 2, apparently)...so it can't be a physical thing. There is just something about her that I haven't been able to completely put my finger on, but it rings quite false in my head...and is not genuine. Almost like she's speaking through you and not to you...as though she is seeking some type of acceptance from people.

Ok, enough of the Freudian crap today. I suppose I'll have a HUGE hunk of coal in my damn stocking on Monday now.

Happy Holidays to all!

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Dry Pockets

As you know, I started a weight loss plan earlier this week and the first two weeks are all figured out for me, with menus and all. While this plan does not eliminate anything entirely, I have found that my diet (dictated by the menus)seems to be lower in carbs. However, when carbs are introduced in a meal, I have found the author of this particular book seems to be quite the fan of dry pitas. Perhaps their throat is made of silk or something...mine, unfortunately is having a tough go of it.
Although, today my pita isn't completely dry...I have lettuce, tomato, onion, bell pepper and cheese in it. Not enough cheese, however, to get a bite down completely gag-free. Good thing I love water!

I cheated and stepped on the scale this morning and I'm already down 2 lbs! Ah...what the hell, bring on the pitas!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Speaka de English already!

Oh but the chuckles a day can provide! I just overheard a co-worker, who was speaking to a customer over the phone, utter the following phrase:

"Bein's that it's already past the coverage time of bein' out of warranty"...

Yes...that was the funny part. First of all, the made up word "bein's" was terrifically funny and second, the fact that he basically said the same thing twice struck me as well. I couldn't get the image of Jeff Foxworthy out of my head and it was all I could do to keep from running over to his desk with a spittoon for the chaw in his mouth and ask for some redneck jokes (no, he isn't really chewing tobacco...it was just a vision my overactive/underutilized brain conjured up)!

It just made me wonder where all of these words come from. That's not the first time I've heard it, but not by someone who is just 10 years older than myself! Perhaps he was just trying to talk down to the truck driver? No offense to any highly intelligent truck drivers out there (What?!...there could be a few).

Boy...am I ever ready to get this Journalism thing going! LOL, that was a good laugh.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Rabbit Food

This is the part of the diet that I am not a big fan of...the salad lunch. Granted, I did not have time to really do a whole lot with it, just lettuce, carrots, green pepper, onion and tomato...along with 2 lovely TBSP of lowfat vinaigrette. I didn't have time to fix the chicken breast or hard-boiled eggs that were supposed to accompany it, however, I fail to believe it would have added that much more to the finished product!

Thank God for the dry pita bread I get to have with it! Actually, I cheated and soaked it in the juice from my sliced pineapple...yummy!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Happy New Year!

Ok...I know, it's not January 1, 2007, but it is day 1 of MY new year. I decided it was really stupid to wait until January 1, when I could start my new weight plan today. I'll get a 2-week head start that way, and I have a buddy to work alongside me as well. It's going to be a long haul and I have a lot to lose...but I am pumped and ready to roll! It's coming off and staying off this time. I am leaving NO ROOM FOR ERROR! Damn, I'm hungry though! It's the first week or so that's the toughest as my body adapts to everything...we'll get there though! Good luck to me!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Happy Birthday Baby!

Thirteen years ago today I gave birth to a baby girl that I subsequently placed for adoption. I can't believe she is a teenager today! I was most fortunate to be able to choose her parents myself and we have an open adoption. Her adoptive parents have gone above and beyond the requirements given them by the agency according to the terms of the open adoption. We are what is referred to as 'fully disclosed', meaning we have exchanged phone #'s, addresses, etc...which was done very early on, within the first year of her life. In addition, they have continued to send me yearly updates on 'our' daughter every year since she was placed with them, while they were only required per the agency to send them up to age 5. We have gotten together several times, though I haven't seen her since she was 4, when I went to their house for brunch. We are all very blessed to be able to share such an open and loving relationship. I look upon them all as extended family members. It is quite surreal to me at times though, just like last week when I received their Christmas card, a picture of Madie on rollerblades, probably from last summer. It seems as though just in this past year, she has grown by leaps and bounds and she really looks like a teenager. It left me wondering how different my life would be today had I opted to parent rather than place her for adoption. I truly can not imagine having a teenager!

Last year, along with the update and usual letter from her parents, Madie also wrote me a letter. To say I was touched would be putting it very mildly...I was brought to tears and so flattered. She had some questions for me and asked if I would write her back and send a couple pictures of myself. She also wanted to know what time of day she was born, because her mom couldn't remember...so today she will be toasting her birth at 5:08pm! Happy Birthday Madeline! I love you!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Surreal Life

No...not the stupid reality TV show. My life! I don't know why I've always had this strange feeling that even though the world around me is changing and aging, I somehow have this unlimited access to the 'fountain of youth'. It is odd and perhaps it's just a situation where I've become too subjective with things. However, things have seemed so surreal to me lately. It started about a week ago as I addressed my father's birthday card. My parents have been retired for 6 years now and they winter in AZ. I was sending out Christmas cards and his 65th birthday card and(as if his turning 65 wasn't surreal enough)I was addressing it in care of the resort they camp at with their 5th wheel. It just struck me in a moment that I wasn't living in this little bubble of protection anymore, but that my parents have been aging, with myself right alongside. I just had trouble grasping the concept that they were 'retired old people'. Then, the other day my brother phoned me to say that a close friend of his had lost his father. Is it that time already...time for us to start watching the parents of our friends die? Granted, he was only 60 and it appears he may have dropped from an aneurysm or a massive something because they found him just sitting upright in bed, deader than a doornail. It just hits a person though, very weird stuff. Guess it catches up to us all eventually! Live each day to its' fullest because you never know when it will be your last!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To School I Go!

I am ridiculously giddy right now. I just spoke with the University of Minnesota admissions department to check on the status of my application with them. I have been on a waiting list for their Spring semester for a couple months now and learned this morning that I have been lifted from the wait list and am an official Gopher! It's a bit surreal to be sure, but I couldn't be more excited. I know I've mentioned this before but if someone would be willing to pay me to go to school, I would become a 'professional student' in a heartbeat! I used to volunteer to write papers for friends (free of charge) after I graduated college. I only had a few takers, but I loved it. I missed school so much once I graduated, but couldn't afford to continue on with a graduate program. In hindsight, I suppose that was for a good reason...perhaps I DID know then what I know now...that my chosen field of study at the time was not really where I wanted to be in the long haul. Funny that I didn't figure it out at the time, loved writing papers and editing things for friends...and here I am, well over 10 years later, going for a 2nd undergrad in Journalism. Tickle me pink!

Ok Already!

This was not how I needed to start my day. I have been getting these mass e-mails of crap at my work address for many months now...I usually don't even read them because it's just some stupid, nonsensical crap and then a bunch of addresses that the stupid, nonsensical crappy e-mail is being sent to. However, this morning one caught my eye and I'm taking it as a huge sign (pun very much intended as you will see further on).

I have been steadily gaining weight because I have been so fed up WITH my weight! I have stopped caring to a large extent and yet, at the same time, I know when I crack down I'm going to be religious about it again, like I was almost 10 years ago when I ended up losing 85lbs. I'd love to say that's all I have to lose this time, however, I know it's well over 100 by now. Anyway, another story for another time perhaps. So, this morning I was greeted with one of the stupid, nonsensical crappy e-mails only the subject line caught my attention, it read "ShedUnsightlyPOUNDS" and then continued on to finish a URL. When I opened it up to see what type of crap awaited, I discovered the first line was in German. Having opted to study Spanish in high school and college I have no idea what it says...but I'm thinking if they know I need to shed unsightly pounds all the way over in Germany, it's time to get started! Sprechen Ze Deutsche anyone? If so, what the heck does this mean:

"Anfrage uber das Kontaktformular"...perhaps I don't want to know!!!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Tis the Season to Spoil...Myself!

Here's what I'm thinking for this year. Since I don't really have a whole lot of people on my present-buying list, I'm going to treat myself. I figure why not, call me selfish, but I figure I should probably do it while I have the opportunity. Here is my Christmas list in no particular order (unless anyone wants to contribute, then I'll rearrange according to priority and price):

#1 - Digital Camera --I've wanted a digital camera for a long time but never saw the sense because I didn't have a computer and/or internet access at home (see #2).

#2 - Internet Service --Yes, in order to make proper use of the torrent of digital pictures I will be sure to have, I will need access to the internet, so along with renewing my cable service (after paying my long past-due bill) I will finally be on the information highway!

#3 - The dreaded fake Christmas tree --I'm finally going to put up the fake tree this year since I can't have a real one in my apartment (silly pyro-phobes). Of course, with my lack of patience, it may not be up before Christmas if there is much more than 'some assembly required'.

#4 - Camera phone --yeah, I don't even have a flippin' flip phone right now, just a very standard, run-of-the-mill, pick-of-the-liter (you get it) boring phone. However, being that we are in the middle of our contract and likely to change service providers, that may be put on hold for now.

#5 - Various DVD's, books, cd's, etc...to replace my close to completely depleted supply, after selling virtually everything in an effort to keep a roof over my head, food on my table, gas in my car, clothes on my back, etc...this past year. Yeah, it was a bitch--lemme tell you (if you need specific titles, hit me back).

I'm sure I could come up with lots more gift ideas (for interested parties) and while I do plan to treat myself to one or two of these items, I am in no position to get everything since bankruptcy looms in the near future! So, Merry Christmas to ME!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Celebrate Friendship!

Yesterday, I had lunch with a longtime friend…we’ve known each other since before our first memories were firmly locked into our brains…over 30 years now. We have been drifting in our friendship for several years now, as our lives have moved in very different directions and we find more and more often that we have less and less in common. While it was nice to get together and catch up on each other’s lives, I found myself waxing nostalgic even more on my drive there. She lives about 45-50 miles from me, in a direction I don’t often travel…a stretch of highway filled with small suburbs. As my car trudged forward, I traveled backward in my mind, reliving old memories and friendships, many of which no longer exist. I became very introspective and began analyzing my friendships, both past and present. This is what I traveled across:

Town #1: The hometown of a college love…not an ex-boyfriend mind you, just someone I fell madly in love with and at the time, thought for sure I could not live without but never bothered to share any or all of this information with him. He is now married to another girl from college and I believe they have one or two children. While we were friends in college, it didn’t extend beyond those years but also reminded me of other college buddies.

Town #2: At one time, this town held in it a bar/restaurant that I used to hit with some friends every Tuesday night for all you can eat crab and really great drinks…only now I can’t remember the name of the restaurant or the drink. I can, however, certainly remember the friends and the good times that were shared each week. These were also college/work friends from the first college I attended (yes, there were two before I finished). I have recently, within the past couple of years, reconnected with one of them and see her occasionally, but the others have disappeared without a trace.

Town #3: This was the hometown of a different college friend who I once lived with for about a year. We are no longer friends and had an uncomfortable parting over something very trite and unnecessary, yet the damage was irreparable. It was also the town that her 18yr old brother was buried in after being involved in a major snowmobile accident. He was in a coma and they were told he would more than likely never come out of it due to the head trauma…they pulled the plug.

Town #4: Among this town’s residents are a couple friends from several years ago who I no longer associate with, for various reasons…namely, they’ve become snobs. Perhaps they always were and I just failed to recognize this fact in the drunken stupor, which I was in almost every time we associated. However, one of the fondest memories I have was singing the theme song to “Three’s Company” at karaoke…we had the crowd a hoppin’.

That was the last town in route to my friend’s house that caused me to recall these particular friends, along with many fun stories about each of them. Then, while visiting with my friend, she was talking about the fact that she would be getting together with some other girlfriends for dinner this week. Each one that she mentioned I knew, as I went to high school with all of them as well. She has remained friends with all of them through the years, and while I am sure they have also had their rifts along the way, it was just different than what happened with us and they have always stayed in contact. This then sent me into another fit of analysis on the way home, causing me to wonder why it seems so many of my friendships are fleeting. Not to say that I don’t have several friends that I haven’t lost contact with for any marked period of time, and with whom I have been friends for many, many years. It’s just interesting though, how different people can come into your life for a short period of time and yet still leave an indelible mark. I was reminded of a favorite little poem of mine by William Wordsworth that goes like this (or something close to it)

While nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, or glory in flowers; we will grieve not, but rather find strength in that which remains behind.

I am grateful for all of the friendships I have had in the past, for all the friendships I currently have and for those that I will have in the future. TO FRIENDSHIP (clink)!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Eager for Equanimity

There is no doubt...this is a busy time of the year for everyone. My schedule has been unforgiving the past couple of weeks and while I am usually fairly unflappable, for some reason I have found myself beyond frazzled lately. In my search of an explanation for this lack of poise within, the only thing I can surmise is that I have just been cramming too many things into my already busy schedule. WHY, for the love, do we do this to ourselves? Since I can't attribute my busyness to business, my desk is also rapidly becoming unforgivable! So, once my busy social/choir schedule subsides a bit, which it should after the holidays, then I can once again start working more OT to catch up at work.

That's the one constant for me though, my life ebbs and flows with a noticably absent lack of balance, or equanimity. For as busy as I am now, soon I will be back in the same old rut of a routine--which, while curiously resembling a slice of heaven at the moment--will later just seem to be, well...a rut. I am always in search of that balance in my life yet never seem to be able to really strike it. Perhaps I am not alone in this endeavor, but it sure does feel that way most of the time! Alas, back to busy for now!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Mars and Venus in the Workplace

Have they written this book yet? I know they've done a few, huh...they probably have. Nonetheless, I can think of no other place where I am reminded so often and so well of the myriad of differences between men and women. Today, it is striking me with a new clarity as I am dealing with issues from both.

Scene #1- A newer employee at one of our other branches was having some trouble understanding the procedures with which certain tasks are completed. This person is female and tends to react emotionally, as many fine females do. Of course, I had to explain to the men (in simple terms, of course) that she was shooting from the gut and not processing things fully. However, she had us all at our wit's end before I was able to calmly and diplomatically explain the proper procedure to her. Now she is eating out of my hands and her previously brisk behavior is at complete variance with her present demeanor. I think sometimes it just takes another female to know what we are seeking out.

Scene #2- On the flip side, my manager, (who is male) just sent me an e-mail asking about a matter that has been on hold for close to two weeks because I am awaiting additional information. This could be a case of 'too many irons in the fire'. I asked the 3rd party for the information, yet the 3rd party went to someone else to inquire as to the status of the claim. Of course, the claim hasn't been filed yet because I don't have all of the required information.

The fact that there is only one female manager (at any level) in this entire company is not lost on yours truly and could also explain why it's so screwed up. Ok, that was incredibly partial I realize... but you have to understand the Y chromosome shouldn't be allowed total and complete reign! I know of few men, if any, that could properly and/or proudly bestow the title of 'The Great Communicator'. That is a skill that I do believe women have the upper hand with, certainly not all of them I assure you, but many of them. Men bring other characteristics to the table, which is great. But why in blazes can't we even out the playing field more so that we have a delicate and much needed balance? Ok, so this was largely a personal grievance today because I am exhausted from handling everyone else's issues and now needing to tackle my own. And with that, off I go!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

"Mele Kalikimaka"

Ok, I think this is my favorite 'non-traditional' Christmas song. It's playing on our Muzac station right now. Of course, it immediately drums up an image of "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase, which is one of my favorite Christmas movies. Along with, of course, "A Christmas Story" and yes, I watch the marathon every year on TBS...I never tire of that movie. Ralphie is the best, hands down. Which reminds me of "Deck the Halls", which I can't sing without throwing in the 'Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra', courtesy of the 'Asian Serenade' the 'Parkers' received at the restaurant as they dined on Chinese food. Seriously folks...see the movie if you haven't already. It's funny how movies and television can have that affect on music and cause us to change our lyrics. I also can't sing 'Three Times a Lady' anymore...it's now almost always 'Fee Tines a Mady'...thanks Eddie Murphy.

Toxic Workland

My place of employment can be a real toxic wasteland somedays. I am reminded of a quote I once heard, "Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power"...I believe it was Shirley McLaine who said that, when she was promoting a book she wrote. It really stuck with me and I think of it often here in my workplace. People say there's always that one person in every office...well, I believe I've been dealt a few here in my immediate department, which consists of 9 people, including myself. Three of them specifically tend to gnaw on me most often...which would make that 1/3 of my working environment and not cool. Let me see if I can sum them up in 3 short paragraphs.

Thorn #1 - 'The Gossip'...ours happens to be a beyond middle-aged Jewish woman (I only mention that she's Jewish because it should help explain much of the forthcoming description). This is the person that trained me in almost 3 years ago and from day 1 she told me who to associate with and who not to associate with. I was sucked into taking breaks with her 'group' and lunch with her 'group'. She no longer speaks to me because I opted to bow out and do my own thing. The one word I always come back to when trying to describe her to people is 'simple'. Perhaps this doesn't make sense but it's just that she is simple. There is no depth to her whatsoever, she is predictable, a gossip, ridiculously juvenile about so many things and quite difficult for me to take. In recent months, she has also been lacking for steady work to do as many of her duties are now being handled at our various branches, so she delegates herself to various office tasks, such as stocking our cups, plates, silverware, napkins, etc...in the break room; filling all of the copiers/fax machines, etc...with paper, and generally just being an annoyance. However, it's much easier now that there is no speaking involved...she has even ceased to say good night or good morning to almost everyone in our department. I guess others have done something to set her off as well.

Thorn #2 - 'The Know-It-All' (who actually knows very, very little)...ours is a mid-30's male who has done everything, been everywhere, and has come to save the company. While I feel it is safe to say that the rest of us would love to see him gone, we would be left with a pervasive emptiness, since he does lend quite the flavor to our department. I do have to throw in just a couple of my favorites from the past couple of years, however, I could write a book which would most assuredly garner a spot on the best-seller list.

* Know-It-All (speaking on the phone): "A John Deere? That's a fire truck, right"?
Sadly, folks...he wasn't kidding.

* In response to an e-mail that was sent out regarding the reserved spaces in our parking lot...he says aloud (he talks aloud a lot, just to hear himself, we believe) "What do you mean reverse parking spots, does that mean we have to back into them"? and proceeds to jump up to speak to the manager who sent the e-mail to clarify just why we needed to back in and couldn't pull straight in to them. Perhaps even tougher to believe folks...but again, not kidding.

* Our faithful California sports fan (yes, he's a Cali boy which could explain a lot) who claimed to be an 'Oakland A's' die-hard when they were in the playoffs this past season. Specifically, when they played our own Minnesota Twins, the day of Game 2.

Know-It-All: "Trudy, why don't they have Santana pitching?"
Trudy: "He threw yesterday".
Know-It-All: "Oh, you mean they rotate them"?

I couldn't reply to that, I simply had to walk away whilst shaking my head.

Thorn #3 - "Mr. Negativity" ...ours is a middle-aged (perhaps slightly beyond) male who literally personifies a 'wet mop'. Truly, when he walks around he resembles a wet mop...shoulders sagging, face like a horse, ridiculously saddened expression. He could suck the very life right out of you if you allowed him to. He is constantly whining and nothing is right, huffs and puffs while tossing things about on his desk...even threatened to quit a couple weeks ago. While I'm no expert, I have no managerial experience nor have I ever held the title of a supervisor, I do believe that if an employee under my watch came in complaining about things and asking about whether or not they would receive unpaid vacation and sick time upon quitting, I think they'd be done. Nobody needs that around the office, things are tough enough without it. I remember reading an article about the brain and negativity in an issue of 'Psychology Today' several years ago. While I don't remember all of the specifics, I do recall them saying that the brain has a 'negativity bias', meaning that it is simply wired with a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. Apparently, nastiness just makes a bigger impact on our brains...and our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than by upbeat news. I don't know if that applies to this particular situation, but I am often reminded of that when he is particularly downtrodden, which he is today. I say...quit already if you're that unhappy. If I were his manager, however, he wouldn't be given this option.

Ok...so those are my 3 thorns in the workplace, just had to share. Cool, I'm feeling better already!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Hardy Har Har

"You should always remember to laugh at yourself". This was an expression that my mother, and grandmother before her, uttered to me an untold amount of times while growing up. I remember being very confused by it for the longest time and not really understanding what it meant. However, I'm glad it stuck with me and I took it to heart because Lord knows I've had an amplitude of opportunity to do just that. Including right this moment...I just started laughing hysterically (albeit, under my breath) and yes, at myself. I remember getting back from lunch around 1:15pm, thinking that I had to go to the bathroom quite badly after all the water I consumed this morning. I tend to get very busy at work and forget to go to the bathroom. Silly yes, but very true. So, as I was just sitting here I couldn't remember whether I had relieved myself and did a couple quick kegels to see. After not receiving an adverse reaction, I decided that I had in fact gone, and proceeded to tell myself that and break into my uncontrollable fit of laughter (all under my breath and none helping my headache). To which it could also be stated, I would have found out in a hurry if I hadn't in fact visited the little girl's room, since I know that laughter couldn't have contained what may have remained in my bladder! So, now everyone is free to laugh at me as well, but do not forget to laugh at yourself as well, and often!

This Old Job

Ho hum...the dang doldrum. I sometimes wonder if I'm just overly susceptible to becoming disenchanted with things after a certain amount of time. Namely, my job. Now, mind you...I knew when I accepted this position (even as a temp) that it would not be something permanent (i.e., for the rest of my working days). At the time, however, I had been unemployed for 5-1/2 months and just working temp jobs, which left little to be desired by way of pay or by the work itself. Case in point, I believe the last job I had finished prior to the interview with my current employer consisted of moving the US Bank headquarters from downtown St. Paul to Plato Blvd. Lots of hauling and lifting and loading and a bunch of gross, sweaty crap...but yes, desperate times. So, of course when I went to the new temp agency I decided to fall back on what I know I am good at...typing ridiculously fast. I know I am very employable when it comes to data entry and other administrative positions, so I knew it wouldn't be long before I would find something less physical and more permanent. It just took me a while to get to that point of desperation wherein I was required to seek out this type of employment. In short, I don't particularly enjoy the work I am doing, I just know I am good at it. I don't find my work fulfilling and the company is among the worst I've ever worked for, and believe me there have been a lot of them through the years. There is virtually zero appreciation or recognition for the work that is done. Perhaps in other departments it is better, I have noticed many inconsistencies there as well. There has even been a changing of the guard in my department, which, while helping in some areas, has met with little or no improvement in the area of appreciation. Nonetheless, I am not here to gripe about my job, there isn't enough time in the day for that. I guess what I am really doing is just questioning my staying power and/or resiliency. I have been in my current position for almost 3 years now, the longest I have been at any full-time job since graduating college 10-1/2 years ago. So, I suppose one could say this is the longest I've ever been at a full-time job, since during high school and college I only ever worked part-time. So, while I want to complain about my job and all of its' annoyances; and while the benefits far underweigh the obstacles to job satisfaction, I won't be going anywhere soon. Perhaps things will improve slightly, however, I suppose I am resigned to them not improving. So, for now I will have to take heed in things like my short drive to work, my unlimited overtime (while not mandatory), my 2 weeks paid vacation each year, and the flexibility which should be allowed me when I start back to school, if needed. Meaning, if the flexibility is needed in my schedule, not if school is needed. Because, believe me...school is needed if not just to save me from relying on the on-line game shows and increasingly difficult Sudoku puzzles to boost my brain power! It can't come soon enough...and should also be my pass key to getting out of here! Perhaps I my mind wouldn't be weighing so heavily on all these things now, were it not for the fact that my job is really all I have. That sounds horrible, but it is true. I'm single, not dating right now (albeit, by choice), living alone with my cat, etc...probably enough said. Therefore, if I am only to find solace in one area of my life right now, I'd like to be able to at least somewhat enjoy my work. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to say I do...but that day hasn't come yet.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Monopoly Money vs. Real Money

Yay...I'm a millionaire! Ok, it's not real money but I just won the 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' on-line game for the first time. It helps pass the time when I don't want to work after a long 14 hr day. However, I did once win $100 at a bar/restaurant that used to play 'Millionaire'. You were given raffle tickets, so first off it was sheer luck of the draw. Then they did a version of the old 'fastest finger' part (which I desperately miss) so you had to beat two other people to get up there. I got in the hot seat and was able to answer all of the questions, using my two lifelines, consisting of 50/50 and 'ask the drunken audience'. So, I happily took my $100 in cash and proceeded to spend most of it that night. I love game shows and actually appeared on 'Wheel of Fortune' for NFL players week almost 9 years ago (could it possibly be that long ago already). I learned at the time that you could only appear on a total of 3 game shows in your lifetime and that you can't reappear on the same game show. Well, apparently there are exceptions to the latter rule because, on several occasions I have heard Mr. Sajak mention that someone had already appeared on the show. It seems that celebrities and sports figures are also exempt, since they play for charity, never mind the fact that the charity is usually in their own freaking name! However, I'm not bitter and was happy to take home my $3,500!

So, ever since I taped the show and learned of this 3 shows and out rule, I have tried to figure out which other game shows to appear on (or attempt to). Of course, Jeopardy would be awesome and I would love nothing more than to appear on it (it is also filmed in the same studio as WOF, right next door). 'Millionaire' had not even started at the time I taped my WOF episode so it wasn't even a thought. However, I now believe I would like to do that show first since my odds are better there. No competition and no signaling buttons to master. I tape both shows daily and am always amazed at the 'phone a friends' that some people have. I am so often left shaking my head, wondering what in hell they were thinking or doing. I will confess, I would not have come close to winning the million this morning were it not for my good friend 'Google'. I would hope that were any of my friends or relatives going to appear on the show, they would call me for help. So many of the questions can be answered within a matter of seconds just by typing in the key words/names, etc onto the google bar. More often than not, I didn't have to click on the link, the answer was right there in front of me! So, it would be more difficult in the 'hot seat' since I wouldn't have that option but for one question, however, at least I could be assured of getting that one. So, someday when I can afford the airfare and hotel, I will try to get on the show and win a few bucks! Since all I got this morning was a stupid note saying they hoped I felt like a million bucks!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Are We There Yet?

Here I sit once again...
month end starts, but never ends...
9pm, no end in sight...
perhaps I'll leave before morning light.

Ok, pretty bad poem...but I'm tired. I would give my left nut (ok, I don't have one, but if I did, I would totally give it up) to just go home right now. My mind is fading fast and I have so much to remember before tomorrow. It is going to be a hectic weekend and I have so much to get together before tomorrow. I think sometimes I psyche myself out just worrying about things, but it's too much. Perhaps I've just had too much idle time lately that when I have a schedule that's full I just become easily overwhelmed. It's just that it's one of those deals where I have to go home tonight and pack things for overnight tomorrow and I also have a very narrow window of time between getting home Saturday afternoon and having to leave again...with a myriad of things to do in that time! I suppose I'll manage.

I don't know...but what I do know is that I look forward to my next career. I'm not sure what that will be exactly but I can guarantee that the end of the month won't have nearly the amount of significance that it does in this 'job'. The next thing I do will be something I enjoy doing, end of story! I am waiting to hear whether I will be starting school in January and I'm hoping that I will be...I need something to really engage my mind, I feel I'm getting dumber in this job! I'm just really anxious for a totally new start at something. It does help me to know that it is on the horizon.

"Bleak House" Part 2

I think I need to start writing scripts for television. I finished my 'Bleak House' series last night and, while it was good, it was entirely too predictable. Perhaps, this is merely due to my shrewdness, hard to say...but I had it all figured out before the last episode. I did feel that it was too hurried in the end though and thought they could have stretched it out by at least one more episode. There were certainly things I did NOT like about it, and the hurriedness at the end ranks at the top of that list. I thought it was just too forced toward the end and left very little to be desired. I think I will definitely have to read the Dickens' book now and may check out the earlier version of the series.

Now, it's back to my "Queer as Folk"...I'm almost done with season 2 of 5! I suppose I'll be sucked right back into that now...but still, it was a nice break. Talk about your polar opposites though!!!!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

"Bleak House" Part 1

I love period pieces and have found myself sucked into yet another BBC Drama! I have been watching 'Bleak House' (a 3-disc, 15 episode series). At first, I wasn't really drawn in but have now found myself awake at the wee hours of the morning to catch a few more episodes before I start my day! I don't know...it could be that I'm just a real sucker for the accents again since I LOVE English people...but there is something to be said about the characters as well. Perhaps it all comes down to the writing but I think they have a real knack for casting, as well. The characters are so rich and delightful and spur so much emotion, both positive and not so positive. It has even drawn me away from another series that I have been following (and also quite enjoying), however...it has taken a most assured back seat to this one. I can't wait to finish the series tonight and I know I'll be buying it for myself very soon! Can't wait to see how it ends!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Huh?

The human brain is a mystery to me. While there are many myths and unfounded truths out there about what contributes to the loss of brain cells, at times I truly believe mine just opt to cash in on some much deserved vacation time. For instance, this past weekend while at the library, I decided to pick out a couple movies...one which I have been wanting to see for a long time now. Turns out, once I got home and started watching it...I discovered I had already seen it...and really, not that terribly long ago. At first, it just seemed familiar as though I may have caught parts of it somewhere before. Then, I realized as I got into it more that it wasn't just familiar, but that I had seen the movie in its' entirety before. I wondered what was happening in my brain at the time I originally watched it because I know I wasn't drinking (or partaking in any other of the myriad of neuron-depleting fallacies ). I was truly stumped when trying to come up with the circumstances related to this mental error...and am still stumped now. I have had this happen before, while not with movies, with books. For the longest time, my cousin was telling me I just had to read these two books she had and finally I borrowed them from her. Only it turns out I had not only read them both before...but borrowed them both from her to read before. I realized this shortly after I started the first one...just a few pages in and the same could be said for the second book. Fortunately, they were both 'one sitting' reads for me and I think I had them both read in a weekend. And yes, they were that good that I was able to reread them.

So, in summation...it would seem that I am not the only one suffering from these mental lapses, since my cousin was so eager to lend the books to me a second time. We both had a good laugh about it...but it does certainly leave me wondering just what is going on up there sometimes...or, more aptly put, what isn't!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Time Capsules

Too much time on my hands! I swear I get less accomplished the more time I have to accomplish things in. For instance, I was so looking forward to my 4-day weekend and all I would be able to do. Well, ok...Thursday was basically a wash with all the cooking and moving around, so we'll just call it a 3-day weekend. But still. And it's not even that I didn't do anything...I did plenty of things, just not what I really wanted to do. It's odd really, but I've always been that way with time. I do better when I'm rushed and have to get things done quickly then I do if I have oodles and oodles of time. It works the same for me in the mornings...if I get up early I think how nice it is that I have all that extra time to just ease into my day, then before I know it...I'm running quite late. So, this morning I woke up and thought about how nice it would be if I just had one more day to work with...alas, here I am...plugging away at work, wondering when I'll be able to squeeze everything in. Guess I'll just have to chip away at it. Ok, that never really works for me either!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Holiday Blues

What a difference a day makes! Not always in a good way either. Honest, I'm not bipolar...but today I'm just majorly bumming. I don't even know that it was anything terribly specific that caused such a swing, a couple minor things maybe. The holidays are usually a bit tough for me with my parents in AZ but I still typically look forward to them. Perhaps the fact that my brother won't be coming for Thanksgiving is part of it...but I'm just feeling a bit lost right now, and incredibly lonely. It's an odd feeling...almost like I just don't quite know where my place is. I have a wonderful extended family and will be among a very large group tomorrow, but still there is this strange void. I don't like it and I don't think I really want to have it explained to me either. I sure hope it doesn't last long, because it really sucks. Nonetheless, Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

I can't help it...no matter how shitty things in my life seem to be going...I can't help but feel good this time of year. I love the holiday season and everything about it...well, that is, everything except for the shopping malls! I'm a one-stop shopper when it comes to Christmas shopping. I will not go until I know exactly what I am going to be buying...I don't do crowds. I laughed out loud when my choir director said that the Mall of America had requested we sing there on the day after Thanksgiving. HA! Black Friday? I don't think so...parking is atrocious enough without adding that into the mix. Incidentally, we won't be performing at M.O.A. this year! Choir helps me get into the spirit...Christmas music in general can do that. I've been known to play it in the middle of the summer if I need a little pick-me-up! Of course, knowing full well that the Muzac station at work will begin the Christmas music next week, there is a limit to my love of 'all things holiday'. The muzac does get old...but at least I know I can go home and listen to whatever my heart desires!

As for the food...well, let's just say I've decided to start the diet on January 1, again! It's worked for me before...so I'm going to give it another shot next year. Something to be said about starting fresh RIGHT at the start of the year, plus it will be easier to mark my progress that way. Anyway, back to the food. Who doesn't love the food? I love trying new recipes to bring to family gatherings...and I don't even like to cook...but still, it's fun this time of the year! So, hopefully things will continue to feel this jubilant even after the holidays!

Friday, November 17, 2006

and..."EX"hale

Yikes...I thought I just saw my ex-boyfriend in my office! I was on my way out for lunch and I had to do a double take. We have some auditors in working with our accounting departments and this guys profile totally threw me...I thought I was staring at my ex...never mind the fact that he is a journalist and wouldn't have any reason to be here. I was struck with that perfect mix of panic and embarrassment! However, the story of our parting is actually somewhat humorous...after the fact, of course. I was plenty peeved at the time. What? Yes...of course I'll share the story!

It was actually kind of fateful to be honest. It would have been almost 3 years ago to the date that we met on a dating service. It just so happens we had met on the same service 6 years prior, at which time we went on a handful of dates and then just kind of broke up without really breaking up. That seems to be our history, unfortunately. So, we decided to get together (again, about 3 years ago to the date) and see what happened this time around. We discovered what had happened 6 yrs prior...we had both met other people and ended up in somewhat long-term relationships (for 2 and 3 years). So, we began dating again. Now, I should preface all of this by saying that I was (as I still am) quite broke at the time and on top of that, not driving...a nasty repercussion resulting from my 2nd D.U.I. (yeah, not great times for me). So, he was quite accommodating given all of these circumstances, alongside the fact that he lived about 30 miles away and did all of the driving. So, I guess the fact that we dated for 5 months is a bit miraculous in and of itself. Not to say that I didn't pay for ANYTHING but I believe I figured out what led to our eventual demise after the fact. Our last date was on a Saturday afternoon/evening. He drove the 30 miles to pick me up, we then drove to a theater that was another 15-20 miles away (in the opposite direction) to see a movie. I had about $15 to my name at this time, but knew we were seeing a cheap movie, since it was at the return theater...I wasn't worried. I paid for the movie (woo hoo...big spender that I am, I think it was $4). We went for dinner afterward, at his suggestion, and he picked up the tab and also left the tip. Ok, I should have offered to leave the tip, but come on! So, I have since figured out that it was the return trip home that led to me demise. We were close to my place when suddenly he said 'Whoa...I better get some gas before heading home, I'm dangerously close to empty'. Now, rather than proceed to drop me off since we were just a few short blocks from my house...he asked me where the closest station was, then turned around to drive several miles in the opposite direction. I now know that this was a test to see if I would offer to pay for the gas. Clearly, I hadn't the money. However, being that I did still have about $10, I ran into the store to get coffee and bread, while he filled up his tank. Our good night exchange was less than warm, the kiss was barely near par and I walked into the house, completely oblivious but sensing something was off. So, I have since figured out that he must certainly have deemed me a cheap bitch. However, rather than just come straight out and tell me that, he just completely stopped calling me altogether. I believe I called him twice after that and the first time, I came to learn later on, he flat out lied to me. He stated that he was going to be on assignment for a weekend activity which had actually already taken place the previous weekend. I hadn't even asked him if he wanted to get together...he was just cutting to the quick before I could. So, basically the boy had no 'nads' whatsoever and chose to just be an ass instead. I was bitter and pissed for a long time, and I was pretty good to him in those 5 months. For instance, we had been to a used record store where he spotted a 'Lenny Bruce' album (he collects L.P's) that he really, really wanted to get, but didn't want to spend the $50 for. I knew he was really jonesing for it because he walked all the way over to me at the opposite end of the store to show it to me. It was actually pretty cute. So, remember...I'm not driving now but I still made it a point to take the bus to downtown MPLS to purchase this album for him (with $50 I most certainly did not have). I gave it to him for no particular reason, along with a cutesy little lovey, dovey card. He was touched, I know...and the parting was much warmer that night. That also ended up being the date before our last date and the last time I thought I had seen him, until today...when I thought I saw him, but didn't really see him. Capiche? Funny story though...I crack myself up sometimes!

Disastrous Dental Debacle!

Yes...my trips to the dentist seemed to be all for naught and I have been left with a mess of unfinished business in the upper left hand corner of my mouth. I am furious with the way things were handled at this office. I have only been going there for a little over a year and I thought it was a decent place but I will never set foot in that office again.

When I was told last spring that I would need this extensive dental work and the #'s were first gone over with me, I was given a brochure for a credit plan that is used in lieu of paying the full amount or making payments to the office directly. Apparently, they like to see their gazillion dollars right up front, regardless of the source. Well, naturally I didn't qualify for this, since it is essentially a credit card, and told them as much at the dental office. I actually avoided the whole issue for six months until my next appointment (I only needed the one root canal originally). There was actually no discussion about this whatsoever, nor was I given a suitable alternative. I was given a copy of the work to be done, showing what my portion would be, etc...and the work was scheduled. The only thing I was told prior to starting the work was that it looked like the first appointment, or portion of the work would be covered by my insurance and then after that, I'd be on my own. I went along my way the afternoon of my first appointment with nary a word from anyone, only to be told after my next appointment that I needed to pay close to $1100 for the work that had been done. My jaw basically dropped and I said something akin to 'huh'? I said I did not have that and they proceeded to ask me if anyone had gone over what would be owed at this point in the process. I said no...repeated what was said to me about how the first appointment would be covered by my insurance, and that this was still a continuation of that first appointment. They again asked me if I had applied for the ‘Care Credit’…I again told them no. So, they then asked me how much of it I had at that time...well, clearly the answer was nothing, but I felt in a pinch (and don't do well at all with when I am feeling cornered) so I said I could pay $100...which, of course I really couldn't afford and which led to other bills not being paid. I then told them I would have to pay the remainder in two installments and gave them the dates of my next two pay periods. My next appointment was scheduled for the 31st of October and my first payment was scheduled to be made on the 1st of November. So, I thought I'd be doing ok...could slide in and get the rest of the work done and then worry about the payments later. After I signed their little piece of paper stating I would be making these payments of close to $500 on these two days, she said, 'Now, if something should happen and you don't make these payments...the full amount will be due immediately'. Apparently, the absurdness of this statement was completely lost on her because she looked at me with a quasi-serious expression. Wait, it gets better.

So, on the afternoon of the 30th...late afternoon, by the way, I received a message to call the dental office ASAP regarding my appointment the following morning. I call back and speak to the same woman lacking a good solid base in reality. She says that when we made these payment arrangements she was not aware that I had already scheduled my next appointment and proceeds to tell me that this next portion would be $1100 out of my pocket. She says that would be due before the work could be started. Now, I know you're probably still with me here, but let's back up. My first scheduled payment of close to $500 was scheduled to be made the day AFTER my appointment. Since at this point I didn't even have that...where did she think I was going to come up with the $1100? As far as I knew, the amount quoted me was for all of the work I was to have done. So, I asked her if I was just supposed to sit here with these temporary crowns in my mouth and she said I didn't even have temporary crowns yet. In other words, I've had the root canals done, along with a crown 'buildup'. She said that I could come in and have some temporary fillings put in, but my portion for that would be $149 up front. At this point, I laughed out loud, couldn't help it. I said, yeah...that's what I'll do, completely unnecessary expenses on top of the $2100 you're saying I would owe you were I to have you complete this mess you’ve started. She asked me if I was still going to be able to make the first payment scheduled and I said, no...not all of it. She said I should call her and let her know the next day, otherwise it would get ‘ugly’. I said...sweetheart, it's already ugly, and thanks in large part to the negligence of your office staff, yourself very much included, I have a mouth full of half-completed dental work and no way in which to complete it. So, after not sending any money in on the 1st, I received a delinquency notice in the mail...ooh, scare me. I still owe them close to $1000 and am not concerned as to when it gets paid at this point. Right now, my biggest concern is finding a reputable dental office that will complete this work and hopefully agree to a payment plan, otherwise I imagine I will soon have two gaping holes in the upper left hand corner of my mouth...which would not be good, at all. I wish I would have never started with it, but who knew? Am I naïve enough to think I could escape this without have to pay a cent…of course not…but they did not clearly define what would be due and when before said work could be performed. It is not good business practice to start something with someone you know is having some financial issues without going through exactly what would be required of them. Gee…do you think maybe because I applied for the damn credit in the first place, I might not have $2000 to give you? Think people…think.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I Declare...or Do I?

Aye...I'm in a quandary! I have been on a rehabilitation plan for my severely defaulted student loans for several months now but have missed some payments. In my usual fashion, I have ignored the phone calls from my agent...because seriously, why call someone just to tell them you DON'T have the money yet. Per the agreement, I was to have made 12 consecutive payments in order for the loan to come out of default. Well, I figure since I've botched the agreement...and haven't received a phone call from the agent for a couple weeks now...I'm just going to skip it at this time. If they come after me, I'll have a pretty valid excuse anyway since I'll probably be filing for bankruptcy. Plus, my previous agent had informed me that if I was unable to complete the agreement per the terms, I could file a financial hardship claim with them...I figure that would at least delay the possibility of wage garnishment. I think other matters need to take precedence right now. So, I have made an executive decision to cease making payments at this time. Now, I just need to move on the rest of the crap! I have to start calling back creditors and getting #'s together, etc...so that I have something to present to whoever I end up seeing about all of this. I know I will feel much better once I have accomplished all of these things...however, the task is entirely too daunting right now!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Ostrich Alert!

Denial...It's not just a river in Egypt! I have been living in a world of denial when it comes to my finances for a long time now and I'm beginning to think I need to snap out of it. If there were ever a reason to turn back time on my own personal clock, this would be it. However, I wonder how much of it could actually be remedied were I to do that? I always pose the old rhetorical...'if only I knew then what I know now', ah yes. Unfortunately, I didn't. Except that I don't think it would have stopped me. I wonder how much of this is really by choice, as opposed to how much of it is hard-wired into us. For instance, I'd like to be more organized, but that's not who I am. I don't consider myself to be truly irresponsible when it comes to money, however, I have made some very poor choices at best. Right now, I am contemplating how best to go about gathering all of my outstanding debt together so that I can see what my options are. I'm afraid to look at that bottom line, but that time is long overdue. I need to get my shit straight once and for all, and I fear I may be facing bankruptcy. I had mixed feelings about this for a long time and am still not certain it's what I should do...mostly moral objections...but that is probably a little too 'high falutin' for me to say now. I mean morality can only get you so far, right? It doesn't pay the bills, put food on the table and in the kitty's dish or keep a roof over our heads. The trouble is, I don't even know where to start because I have been avoiding phone calls from collectors for over a year now. I'd like to start living again and I fear I may have to hit rock bottom before I can swim to the surface of that river in Egypt!

Monday, November 13, 2006

"Stranger Than Fiction"

This is the best movie I have seen in a long time! Once I got past the largely moronic audience who felt it necessary to laugh everytime Will Ferrell opened his mouth (merely because he IS Will Ferrell) I thoroughly enjoyed all it had to offer. The movie is perfectly cast, barring one exception, and almost believable in its' delivery. The characters are just so authentically human and sufferable that it is positively endearing. The aforementioned exception would be Queen Latifah's character, whose sole purpose in the film was to prod Emma Thompson along with the completion of her novel, it got old...fast. Overall, I highly recommend it, though you may want to wait for video so you don't have to withstand the idiocy of the audience!

This Friday...Bond baby...James Bond.

Friday, November 10, 2006

TRUNOWRIMO!

Wow...that's got a great ring, no? While I won't count my writing days as over and done with...I no longer believe that my NANOWRIMO project is going to come off without a MAJOR hitch! In other words, since I haven't written anything besides my opening character sequence and I am now on Day 10, with only 20 days to go, I don't think my 175 pages will be completed by month end. So, instead of being part of the 'National Novel Writing Month' (NANOWRIMO) I have just coined December 'Trudy's Novel Writing Month' (TRUNOWRIMO)! First, because I truly do think it has a great ring, and second...because I can really cheat and nobody ever has to know but me. Cool, it's a plan. I know I have a novel in me that's just screaming to get out. Hey...this way I won't even have to limit it to the 175 pages!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It's Called a SickBED for a Reason!

Sickness belongs at home! My current employer has the oddest sick policy I have NEVER come across. The first 8 hours of every sick occurrence are unpaid, followed by up to 2 days paid. If you are absent beyond the 3rd day, a doctor's note is required. That part is understandable, the part that is unexplainable (to me) is the initial unpaid 8hrs. The reasoning behind this...according to our H.R. department...is to decrease the sick occurrences. However, I think this comes back to bite them in their proverbial asses since it encourages people to stay out for the entire 3 days...they want to get their moneys' worth since they've missed out on 8hrs. It also begs them to work OT to make up for that lost sick time, that was earned in the first place! I know...ridiculous, right?

The bad part about this is that for some of the more honest employees, it actually discourages them from taking ANY time off when they are sick, or they wait until they have to go to the doctor's office because they are so bad off. Therefore, all of us get to work in the now germ-infested office and breathe the same germ-infested air. A co-worker of mine has been out all week long so far with the flu and I have been fighting something off for the better part of a week. This person was quite sick before deciding to stay home and now they think they are doing us all a world of good by continuing to stay there. Guess what...the damage is done and now I will be lucky to escape aforementioned lost time myself. Aye carumba people...keep the crap at home! Don't wait until you've infested the entire freaking office!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Express Yourself!

Expressions! I love expressions...old ones, new ones, classic ones and little-known ones too. Every once in a while someone will utter an expression that has been long forgotten and it just tickles my funny bone. For instance, just a few minutes ago we heard this loud 'thump' and a co-worker of mine uttered 'That's going to leave a mark'. We all busted a gut and it made me think of the movie 'Tommy Boy' (which I believe the expression is derived from). Then it made me think of expressions in general and how they can be such a link for people to connect with others. They are a great conversation starter and can get you going in all sorts of different directions. I'll have to remember that when I go to my next party (because the invitations are piling up on my doorstep, let me tell you). I find it to be just terribly interesting trivia...the origins and derivations of pop culture sayings, as well as those timeless expressions. For instance, did you know the word 'gesundheit' actually is German for health? Therefore, when a person sneezes, Germans (and others to follow) typically say Gesundheit! to wish them good health. It does not mean 'bless you' or 'God bless you' as so many have assumed it does. I am an untapped well of useless knowledge...what can I say? I'm a trivia whore!

Votorama

Get out the vote? Get out the REASON to vote!!!! That's right...it's election day once again. I performed my civic duty and marched into my polling booth this morning, bright and early..(I'm quite certain I probably voted for the same asshole that gave me a parking ticket this morning since there was no parking available in my apartment lot). As I waited in line to cast my ballot, I enjoyed listening in to the various conversations taking place around me. Most of them were centered around how negative the campaigning and advertising have become and how it's keeping people out of the precincts on election day. One gentleman was quite disgusted and said he thought about not voting at all. It seemed he was still thinking about it as he stood in line to do just that. He was talking about how he didn't know anything about the candidates, he was only given the reason to NOT vote for their opponents but didn't know where any of them really stood. It was all I could do to not tell him to go home and go back to bed. I will not vote unless I am an informed voter so I almost always do my homework prior to voting and if I haven't, I don't vote. I am not for putting someone new in office just to boot out the incumbent. Change doesn't always garner forward progress.

Happy voting America!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Nano-nothing

Day 4 and I've done no more. Haven't even picked up my pencil since Day 1. I'm not sure how this is going to go at this point. Since this is my first venture into the true novel-writing experience, I am not sure exactly how to attack it. I'm worried about coming up with the story before I write it. I've been writing and developing my characters but not sure what is going to happen with them. In a way, I feel like the story will reveal itself to me as I continue to write, and yet, at the same time I want to have some kind of idea. At this rate though, I won't have my 175pg novella by November 30! One thing I am learning (or should I say reinforcing) is that you can not MAKE yourself write just for the sake of writing. You have to be ready to write and WANT to write. I figure that even if I don't complete this project (which a great deal do not) it will at least push me into that mode and give me the experience of writing a short story. And who knows...I may even surprise myself...I am excited to see what is going to happen with my characters. More later.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Is it Day 2 already?

I started a little something and I really like it so far, but I'm not sure what my story is going to be about just yet. I'm more or less formulating ideas in my head as I go along. I think it's going to be good. I don't know that I'll actually complete this project (especially since I don't really even know what I'm undertaking) but I figure at the very least, it will get me started to writing. Maybe just kind of put me in that mode and get me going. I do know I am very excited about it and there is something about writing that is so freeing...being able to disappear into a character, or even become that person on a certain level. I suppose it could be likened to acting in a way...the people on stage literally become the character they are portraying. I think writing is similar in that regard since you need to really get a feel for the person you are trying to introduce to your audience. It's just a weird feeling though...not knowing what direction my story is going in and yet the words just keep coming. Odd. Well, it should be interesting to say the least! Maybe I'll have a better idea after the weekend, since I plan to write like crazy!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Writers...Pick up Your Pens!

Day 1 for Nanowrimo! Haven't written one word yet...I've had my first line for quite some time though. It didn't help that I didn't get out of the office until after 8pm last night and am exhausted today, as well. However, I will not let that daunt me or lead me astray from my path! It's still Day 1, there's nothing in the rule book that says you HAVE to start at midnight (never was one to get a head start on things) so I figure I'll be doing just fine. Besides, I'm one to really formulate things in my head before I put them on paper (which I actually do, by the way). I'm probably going to have to forgo my love of longhand writing for this little project though, if only in the interest of time. I believe my weekends are going to be ripe with writing frenzy! Here we go!

Monday, October 30, 2006

It's Nanowrimo!

I am about to embark upon my first real writing challenge...but not to worry, it's all in great fun. My mind was awhirl with ideas over the weekend as I prepare to begin this great exercise on Wednesday!

Nanowrimo (aside from always making me laugh because if you say it really fast it sounds like something akin to Janet Reno) stands for National Novel Writing Month and challenges all participants to write a 175 page (50,000-word) novel in one month's time, starting at midnight on November 1 and ending at midnight on November 30. Now, since I've never written anything besides poetry, I'm quite sure that I have no idea what I'm walking into here. I'm not sure if I think this is going to be a piece of cake for me, even while working full time and trying to squeeze in other activities. I know I won't be writing at work (with the exception of maybe a few brilliant brainstorms) so it will be delegated to evenings and weekends. I am very excited and have a pretty good idea what my story will be about. The fun part is that you don't need to worry about whether or not it makes complete sense and spelling, grammar, punctuation and such take a back seat. Goes against a writer's natural state of things however, which should be challenging in and of itself. They are looking for quantity here, not quality. There shan't be time to go back and rehash things or edit. There is much in the line of risk taking and writing on the fly. I am excited...so, don't know how much activity will be happening on my blog! Then again...my blog might be even busier than ever! We shall see!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Vacations!

There's something about the planning part of them that almost puts one in that vacation mode. Even though I'm starting to plan my vacation for February now in late October, it somehow brings it closer. I love that! Of course, it fades rather quickly too, this feeling. Ah well...I'm living in the moment. Funny thing is, I'm still not sure exactly where the vacation is going to be. It's a family thing and while last year we had a great time in AZ & NV, I'd like to go somewhere new this year. We've done the Phoenix gig, not much to do there if you don't golf like EVERY DAY! Not that I mind just kind of bumming around with my mother while the guys golf, but still...I'd like it to be more than just relaxing. I'm not really much of a planner when I vacation...I like to fly by the seat of my pants and not follow a rigid timetable, otherwise I feel too constrained. Don't we have to do that every day that we are NOT on vacation? I prefer to just take it day by day and stop when something tickles my fancy. I figure as long as I can fit it all in before I have to hop back on that return flight (with my savage tan in tow), I've done pretty darned good. Now, just have to find a destination!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Ladies Days

Ahhh...the joys of womanhood. Today is not a joyful day in the least. Most days I truly love being a woman and I really wouldn't change it for the world. I'd just like to close my eyes and have it be, let's say, Saturday morning. Yeah, that would work. My 'ladies days' (heard that expression for the first time on 'Everybody Loves Raymond' and I love it) would be over and hopefully I would have also at least tamed the sinus infection that is impending. Headaches are a natural part of that lovely time of the month for me so the sinuses on top of it do not make for a happy girl. Then there are the cramps and the general malaise associated with it all. Blech!

Oh well, I'll try to make the best of it. It's a gorgeous day outside and I'm more than half way through the day. Of course, it would be helpful if I didn't have a new pile formulated on my desk everytime I leave for longer than 10 minutes. Who are these snaky people that keep doing this!!!! I'll get them someday. Back to the grind. Maybe I'll have something a bit more worthy of this space tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Never Say Die!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you're trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low, and the debts are high, and you want to smile, but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must, but don't you quit.

I can't remember the rest of it but this is a poem I received in the form of a mug upon graduating high school over 17 years ago. I still have the mug and use it often and this has become a favorite poem of mine. I call upon it often in my life. I have been calling upon it a lot throughout the past several days. It helps me to remember my blessings in the midst of my many trials and tribulations. Yesterday I was really calling upon it. I was also reminded of how very blessed I am in my life, even though these blessings can somehow seem so clouded. Yesterday, they were brought to the surface when I was faced with an unexpected and undesired rent crisis. I began to fall apart mentally and physically and immediately a friend sprang to my rescue, helping me out financially in order to rectify the situation. I hadn't even asked and it was just offered. I was moved to tears (as if I weren't crying already) and just so thankful to have such a wonderful network of friends in my life. I have a terrific family too (just don't share said issues with them anymore since I've disappointed enough in the past). I am blessed with friends that help financially, emotionally, spiritually and most importantly, DAILY! As one friend helped financially, I was immediately lifted by others who were helping prayerfully.

Today is a new day. Is it free of problems, most certainly not. Am I free of my financial problems, most certainly not. Will I ever be, most probably not, but perhaps not to this extent. I choose to be thankful for everything in my life that I do have, for all of my blessings. And for all of my friends out there, I wish to thank you for the love and support you have shown me through all these years and may God Bless you all!

Friday, October 20, 2006

The Root of All Evil

Money money money...must be funny...in a rich man's world...money money money...always sunny...in a rich man's world.

Ok...so I'm dating myself, so what! Yes, I love ABBA to this day but that song haunts me too. It's so true...sometimes I don't think I would know how to function without money problems/issues. It's like it is a vital part of my person or something...do I like it, of course not! If it's not one thing with me, it's another. However, I have a grievance to bear. Aren't banks supposed to PROTECT your money? Isn't that what they're around for. I will never understand why they will pay something when you have nowhere near the amount to cover the payment. It's not like I could walk into the bank and say, oh...you need $308 to open my account, well...here's $150, is that good enough? No? Well, it seemed to be good enough when somebody tried to take it from my account and you GAVE IT TO THEM! Leaving me back in the hole and really screwed over for my rent. I just don't get it. Why, people, why? It is so frustrating and seemingly unending for me. No matter where I go, who I bank with, how much money I do or don't have...it just follows me. I feel like I am cursed with this and I am so tired of it.

However, not being a member of the 'rich man's world'...I may just have to learn how to live with it. But I never have to like it, that much I'll say. Corruption, it's an ugly thing and very prevalent in the banking world. Disgraceful if you ask me.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Enough Already!

Things that annoy me...could I possibly count them? Before you get too far into this post, yes...it's going to be a bit of a bitch fest! So, if you're in a great mood...you'd best close out of this one straight away (no, I'm not English, just love them to death).

Loud chewers have to be one of my biggest annoyances. Sometimes it's not even that they're chewing with their mouths open, they're just chewing too hard and for too long ! SWALLOW PEOPLE...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST SWALLOW! You don't have to chew the shit until it disintegrates in your mouth...our bodies are made to digest and break down the food we provide for them...so just SWALLOW ALREADY! This annoyance was once again brought to my attention by a coworker that I share break time with. Almost every day this person gets a bag of Wheat Thins to munch on for our afternoon break time and I can hear every morsel as they chew away. I think I sometimes even involuntarily shiver with disgust. It is akin to nails on a chalkboard, or silverware scraping on plates for me...ewwwww! However, I have chosen to prolong my morning and afternoon break times (with two other coworkers alongside) because we have another coworker who is even more annoying (to all of us). So, I'm still definitely coming out ahead in the annoyance factor there, but still.

Don't even get me started on gum popping, snapping, cracking...I'll go postal, I swear...full stop! Hahaha....should have been born in London!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Retro Candy

My trip to the dentist was also a trip to the past! I am so fortunate to have a funny dentist. However, I probably didn't need to laugh quite as much as I did yesterday as he was drilling and picking away. He just pulls stuff out of nowhere and enjoys the banter with his assistants too. I can tell all the gals in the office just adore him. Ok, he's good looking too, but shouldn't that be a law...I mean all you ever do in that chair is stare up into the face and eyes of your dentist!

So, as he was working away on me, he asks Autumn (the assistant) if she's ever done the Wint-O-Green lifesaver trick in the dark. She had no clue so he explained it to her and noticed me nodding (since they had successfully shut me up with what I shall call the 'clamp' to hold my mouth open and keep me from engaging in incessant chatter). He then said "Trudy and I know about it". I laughed. Then started thinking about all of my childhood favorites...those great 70's candies. I don't know...perhaps many of them still are around and I just don't frequent the candy aisle at 7-11 (oh wait, those aren't around anymore either). When I think of all the candy I used to endulge in, it's no wonder this all came back to me as I sat in a dentist chair!

Pop rocks...those were the bomb! How about the sugar sticks, fun dips, candy cigarettes, candy necklaces and bracelets, wax bottles (and I ate the wax too), pixy stix, atomic fire balls, jawbreakers, laffy taffy, chick-o-sticks, and who could forget the candy buttons and nerds? Oh yes...those were 'sweet' days indeed! Now I just cringe when I think of half of them, if not more! Except for the chick-o-sticks, are those still around, they were awesome!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Root Canal

It's D-Day! Yep, today I get to learn the fate of my broken teeth. I'm concerned that the dentist will take one look at them and say he can't do the root canal now (even though it's already begun) since I lost part of it. However, I don't think he'll pull them either (though that would be much better overall) since they're chewing teeth. Suffice it to say...I'm not looking forward to it. Oh well, hopefully this will be the last time I'll have to endure this crap!

I am looking forward to being comfortably numb for the remainder of the day though. I think it took about 3 hrs for the novocaine to finally wear off last week. Silly me, to think I might actually come back to work after my appointment. I guess I'll just worry about making up the time later. It is such a Tuesday today! Not entirely sure what that means, but it's not such a great day. It's a mighty poopy one actually. Time to change the template again...I'm tired of pink. Ugh...darn dentists.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Rain Rain Go Away

Rainy days and Mondays...sometimes get me down. I'm not quite as dismal about things as The Carpenters. Today I would have preferred to have stayed home in bed, but no such luck. Sadly, I'm actually looking forward to 'Root Canal, Part Two' tomorrow afternoon. I was chewing on some 'Sugar Babies' on Friday night at the movie (review to follow) when suddenly something didn't feel right. Lo and behold, I lost part of the back of the tooth on either one or both of my root canal victims. I've been in a world of pain ever since and taking Ibus like they're going out of style! I just hope this doesn't mean even more work and/or trips to the dentist office! I also hope that whatever they do this time will actually hold the damn teeth together for more than 3 days! This is getting ridiculous!

So...'Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning' should have been titled 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (and it can't get worse from here). I was colossally disappointed in the movie. After all, wasn't it supposed to be preemptive of all the gruesomeness to come? Granted, with R. Lee Ermy you are virtually promised to have some great lines and terrific humor, and he certainly delivered. I was disappointed with several aspects of the movie, let me name just a few. As the title of the movie suggests, we are to be given a history of Leatherface. Now we do learn of his beginnings but all in the first two minutes of the film. I was hoping for a bit more depth to this exploration and also, being a lover of psychology, was hoping for more delving into the mind of the man himself. I will say the acting was good all around and there were some great scenes. From the gore factor, it does stand up to the 2003 remake. It definitely lends to the 70's 'slasher fests' which gives it a great overall creep factor as well. Just didn't think it lived up to the hype. I'd wait for the dvd!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Technophobia

If it's possible to suffer from this made-up disease, I am on my deathbed! I have just subscribed to my first personal home internet service after receiving my first 'real' computer from my cousin (they purchased a new one and needed to get rid of the old). However, I am having technical difficulties and am currently on a 'live chat' with a representative from the ISP I chose. Well, let me tell you...there is nothing live about this one! Anyway, this person has been less than helpful and I am already thinking about canceling my service...before it is billed to my credit card! This is more of a headache than I thought it would be. No wonder it's taken me all these years to merge onto the information superhighway! Well, we shall see what develops I guess.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Heaps of Horror

Leatherface...Jason...Freddy...Michael...are you catching on yet? Ahhh, yes...it's that time of year and Friday the 13th to boot! I have finally worked up enough nerve and gumption to take in 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning' tonight. I refuse to go see a horror film during the day...that's just too sissy to me. Plus, it totally loses the effect, I think. Of course, last Friday night (opening night for the movie) I decided to go the safe route and see 'The Departed' (excellent movie, I highly recommend) instead. It's taken me a whole week's worth of days to work up the 'steel' needed for 'Chainsaw' (pun very much intended). I saw the remake a few years back and had chills for several hours after the completion of the movie...and I even cheated and went to the matinee, with 2 other friends! Tonight, I will go it alone and hopefully not scream too loud in the theater.

I love horror movies...just that tingling, freaked-out, paranoid, ridiculous feeling that nothing else can provide. I feel quite prepared for it after watching several horror flics at home throughout the week. I'll have to give you my review tomorrow! Maybe someday if my blog becomes as sophisticated (because we know it's not the blogger that needs the lesson in sophistication) as that of my favorite blogspot planetdan.net...I will figure out how to put my reviews/etc...on another page or part of the site. I'm still learning!

Template Trouble

You may have noticed...(yes, ALL of you out there reading this blog) that my template seems to change quite often. I really haven't yet found one that I'm happy with, but then they always seem to change with my moods. Much like the backgrounds on my computer here at work. Truth be told, I've always been that way in one respect or the other. For awhile, it was my hairstyle that was ever changing (not the color like so many others, however). I often wonder what that says about my personality? I consider myself to have very eclectic tastes and often surprise myself with the things I find interesting and/or fascinating. I am definitely a student of life and hope to always be! I've always said that my dream job if I could have it (and if it actually existed) would be to become a professional student. Yes, to actually be paid to attend school on a full-time basis. I love to learn and take in new things. I am a huge trivia buff, tape Jeopardy every day, love crossword puzzles and logic games and sometimes bore my family to tears. One of the things I dislike about being alone so much is the fact that I don't have anyone to really converse with (although I do talk my cats ear off)! I'm talking stimulating conversations about current events, politics, etc...

I do deem myself somewhat a geek at times, but I love the nerdy, intelligent side of me also. Not enough to make that my prominent character, but enough to not be embarrassed about it. So, I guess until they make that professional student an actual working job title, I'll just keep cramming it in!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Lonely Kills

This is for all the lovelorn out there...I often ask myself what the heck I'm doing wrong to be so unlucky in love. I hate being lonely so much of the time and yet I don't feel I am taking an active role in the pursuit of ridding myself of this pervasive loneliness. I'm constantly falling for the wrong guys and finding it so difficult to rid my heart of them. This is especially prominent now that winter is once again dawning. I'm not a real active winter person...I do a lot of hibernating, reading, reflecting, etc...therefore, the more time at home I spend, the more alone I feel. I don't like the whole dating scene/process, I actually dread it to be honest!

Here's my big dilemma...I truly believe in fate and one could say I am even a product of fate. My parents and grandparents before them all had fateful meetings. My mother's parents met when my grandfather almost ran my grandmother over with a car. He then walked into the nearest store (it was a small town) and asked the clerk who that woman was...they had their first date that very same week. My parents met at a drive-in theater where they had each gone to see a movie with their roommates. Ironically their two friends also dated for a while, though they eventually broke up. My mother and her girlfriend shared their six-pack with the guys. Also ironic, neither of my parents drink beer anymore. Anyway, my struggle is just how much of a part do I have to play in things if I am counting on fate. Do I have to help shape this fate or do I just wait it out? I've been doing the latter for quite some time now.

I have tried the dating services and that just seems so forced somehow that I just don't think it's right. I don't know...I'm just talking out loud here, like I do so often. After all, there is currently nobody else here to listen.

Any ideas and/or advice for the long lonely winter looming ahead would be so 'warmly' received!