Lonely Kills

This is for all the lovelorn out there...I often ask myself what the heck I'm doing wrong to be so unlucky in love. I hate being lonely so much of the time and yet I don't feel I am taking an active role in the pursuit of ridding myself of this pervasive loneliness. I'm constantly falling for the wrong guys and finding it so difficult to rid my heart of them. This is especially prominent now that winter is once again dawning. I'm not a real active winter person...I do a lot of hibernating, reading, reflecting, etc...therefore, the more time at home I spend, the more alone I feel. I don't like the whole dating scene/process, I actually dread it to be honest!

Here's my big dilemma...I truly believe in fate and one could say I am even a product of fate. My parents and grandparents before them all had fateful meetings. My mother's parents met when my grandfather almost ran my grandmother over with a car. He then walked into the nearest store (it was a small town) and asked the clerk who that woman was...they had their first date that very same week. My parents met at a drive-in theater where they had each gone to see a movie with their roommates. Ironically their two friends also dated for a while, though they eventually broke up. My mother and her girlfriend shared their six-pack with the guys. Also ironic, neither of my parents drink beer anymore. Anyway, my struggle is just how much of a part do I have to play in things if I am counting on fate. Do I have to help shape this fate or do I just wait it out? I've been doing the latter for quite some time now.

I have tried the dating services and that just seems so forced somehow that I just don't think it's right. I don't know...I'm just talking out loud here, like I do so often. After all, there is currently nobody else here to listen.

Any ideas and/or advice for the long lonely winter looming ahead would be so 'warmly' received!