I'm Back!

Things are still going great with Steven...he's basically moved in to my place now and it's so wonderful to 'almost' officially have him there. We just have the key situation to figure out, and soon! It's not all perfect and we've had our fair share of skirmishes but overall I'd say we're doing just wonderful! We really do love each other and that's the most important thing.

I'm able to type this because I have a functioning computer at home again! Yay me! Steve just turned it on when he was home the other day and said it was just fine. Very strange, but it's great to be able to blog again! Work has really cracked down big time on internet usage so I can't even access my blog (or anyone else's) without using some of my allotted 'quota time'. It's so ridiculous. Apparently, they haven't driven enough people out of that company they thought they'd try another tactic to shake some more up. I really need a new job. But, right now I really need to start laundry and cleaning since Steve is working anyway. I'll check in later this week if I have a chance!

The Jury Is In!

Well, Joseph is out of the picture and it's all Steven! Things are going wonderfully well and I know I will marry this man. It tends to still sometimes have a bit of a surreal feel to it, but mostly it's just been amazing. He is so special to me and we have such wonderful times together. All of our friends tell us how happy we look together, like we're just meant to be. What a wonderful thing to hear! So, I could gush forever about him but I'll keep it short. I could have much more interesting blogs now with all of our new adventures together! I look forward to a life of sharing, loving and warmth with Steve! I could not be happier.

Back in the Saddle Again!

As it turns out...the dating thing is not, in fact, on hold. I ended up meeting a guy last Friday that had e-mailed me from myspace last week. His name is Steve and he looks like this (1st pic above). We talked on the phone after I had asked him if he wanted to join us at Canterbury for the evening. I think he freaked out (just a tiny bit maybe) and said he'd like to talk with me on the phone to get to know me a little better first. So, he called me Friday and we chatted and decided to meet for a walk, which actually turned out to be a short walk and then we sat at a picnic table for a while and chatted. We hit it off pretty well, didn't run out of conversation material and he was very complimentary and sweet to me. He's a super nice guy, that's for darn sure. So, he was very busy telling me how beautiful I am and how gorgeous my eyes are and we were just sitting facing each other, then I think we hugged and I initiated the first kiss, which was quite nice. He decided to accompany me to Canterbury, everyone liked him a lot...we went back to Dana's for a while with Suzanne and the gang and held hands a bit. He dropped me off (since we had dropped my car at the apartment before heading to the track) and we made out in his truck for quite a while. Then, I talked to him on the phone a couple times on Saturday, he called right away in the morning on his way to his softball tournament to thank me again for the night before and tell me what an awesome time he had and I ended up seeing him on Saturday night for a while again with Stacy. Last night we talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours and it flew by like nothing! He's taking me to dinner tonight and I am really looking forward to seeing him again, even more so than I thought I would be. He is just so thoughtful, considerate, charming, complimentary, flattering and unassuming...what girl isn't going to like that.

And apparently, when it rains it pours. As I said in my previous post, in a fit of disappointment I decided to cancel my Match.com subscription and the very next day had an e-mail from a very cute guy, who I have since e-mailed and just heard back from today. His name is Joseph and he is on the right above. I'm hoping that I will hear back from him but it should be interesting because Suzanne committed a rather grave error earlier this morning. She's been keeping tabs on all the goings on and wanted me to forward the e-mail that Joseph had sent me. So, I did that, only when she replied to it she mistakenly sent it to Joseph instead of to me. There wasn't anything awful said, except that she said something about how it sounded like he came from money too, which is never a bad thing! So, I pretty much just laughed it off but she was really upset with herself. I ended up e-mailing Joseph and explaining the error and I said that I hoped he hadn't taken offense at anything that was said or the fact that I shared it with her in the first place. I really hope that I hear back from him though because, as you see, he is a beautiful man! He already mentioned potentially meeting for a drink sometime so I hope to hear back soon.

But, for the time being...I'm very much looking forward to my dinner with Steve tonight! It feels so great to be dating again.

FUGEDDABOUTIT!

So, the online dating gig reached an entirely new level of creepiness...enough to scare me away from it for quite a while actually. Match.com sent me my new matches for the day this morning and I was 'matched' with a guy I graduated from high school with. Wasn't attracted to him then and am not attracted to him now...since he hasn't changed one bit in the last 18 years! What is it about men not aging...ugh!

Oh well, it turns out that it's ok I'm putting the dating thing on hold since I have decided that the weight loss should come first and should definitely require my entire focus. Plus, school starts back up in one month (less than, actually) so I will have that on my plate as well. I'm starting Weight Watchers tomorrow and am sticking with it until EVERYTHING is gone...100+ lbs. I think I can do it within 1 year and by then I will be feeling better about lots of things, well, at least that's my guess. If anyone should feel so inclined as to follow my progress through the next year...I have started a new blog to track my weight loss journey. Here is my new URL, http://weightbgone07.blogspot.com/.

Wish me luck!!!!

Players Need Not Reply!

A few weeks ago I decided to venture back onto the dating scene, or at least test the waters. I'm about to get back onto dry land. I have my toes dipped into several different sites, taking advantage of all that I can do free of charge. I have had the most success with one particular site, though I have yet to actually meet anyone in person. There are just too many players and weirdos out there apparently. I was supposed to (potentially) meet up with a guy I had spoken at length with last week and via the phone once as well. Now, he's gone cold shoulder on me and I really want to give him a piece of my mind (and nothing else to go with it), but I don't even know if it's worth my time and effort. Freakin' jerks. I'm tired of it already and have been reminded of why I usually don't bother. Aye caramba...I give up already!

Basket Case

Yes, there is too much on my plate...literally and figuratively. I am on the very brink of so many things here and just don't know where my focus should go. I know without question that it can't be evenly distributed...I'm just not made that way. Oh, sure I can multi-task at work but when it comes to my personal life, it's just easier for me to place all my eggs in one basket, shall we say.

#1 - Post-bankruptcy, I really need to work on creating a realistic, livable budget and stop living outside of my means. I do believe that's what got me into this fine mess in the first place. So, my financial life should be taking up a large part of my time and efforts just so I can get back on track here with things.

#2 - I am also itching to start dating again and have dipped my feet in several on-line services, merely taking advantage of the free trial periods before I decide which, if any, I want to pay to use. The whole concept rather irks me and adds a whole new dimension to the desperation factor, but I guess it is what it is.

#3 - The dating thing is somewhat on the backburner because I also really want to lose weight and just don't feel that happy with myself, which makes me question whether I should really be concentrating on the dating thing.

So, therefore I don't really know where to put my eggs, so to speak...since they really are most comfortable when all in the same basket. And let's face it...at this stage in my life, I really need to keep the eggs happy since my hope is that someday they'll return the favor!

Welcome to my 37th year!

Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday Dear Trudy...Happy Birthday to me!!!! Call me pathetic, I don't care...I'm 36 today and I'm going to celebrate even if I have to sit at my crappy desk at my crappy job all day long. This sucker of a day only comes around once a year and I'm going to celebrate! So here's to me and here's to me again, Happy Birthday!

Endless Night

It's 3:51pm and I don't think I'm anywhere close to this work day ending. How sad for me. Yesterday was a horrendous day as our main system was down the entire day, which did not help us to prepare what little we could have prepared for month end today. So, as a collective group yesterday afternoon, we decided that we would stay as late as necessary tonight so that we would not have to come in on Saturday as well. I'm afraid we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. Ugh! Unfortunately, I will not be coming in tomorrow since it will be the last chance I have to see my parents before they leave for the winter (and late Summer and Fall). So, it could get quite ugly here. Hopefully, I can get a few hours' sleep before hitting the road tomorrow morning! Happy 4th of July all!

Day 1 - almost

"If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories"

This is my last day of food freedom! I signed up for Weight Watchers today and will go for my first weigh-in tomorrow, although I have an idea of where I'm at. This also means, of course that I'll need to start my exercising again. That's always a bitch to get going on, I just hate it. However, given that I also decided to quit smoking this week...that should make it somewhat easier for me. So, now I'm trying to decide what I want my 'last meal' to be. In the event that I don't make it to a meeting tomorrow as intended, I'll go on Tuesday, which is going to be my regular meeting day. I am really pumped to get moving on this, it's a real late start, considering half of it was supposed to be gone by my birthday (which is now in 3 weeks). So, I suppose I'll have to set a new goal now. Three weeks from today I will be down 7lbs. Woohoo, here I go!

P.C. Gone Wild?

This just strikes me as hilarious. So, apparently just certain departments or certain people receive recognition/celebrations/decorations on their birthdays...I won't go in to trying to figure that out right now because it really makes no sense anyway.

So, on to the hilarity. I will preface this by saying that I have no prejudices, ill feelings or any negative association with homosexuals whatsoever. As I have stated before, I have friends that are gay and "to each his own" is a favorite and oft quoted motto of mine. That aside, there is a lesbian in our accounting department and it happens to be her birthday today. She also happens to be one of the lucky few who has received the birthday accoutrement. I fear that those in charge of decorating her cube may have been very confused and/or nervous as to just how to do so without offending or misstepping in any way, shape or form. The result was utterly ridiculous, if I do say so myself. She also happens to be a hockey player and so her cube is doused with inflatable hockey sticks and a sign that says 'Hockey Birthday'. It is more masculine than any of the cubes I have previously seen decorated for the men in the building. I can hardly wait to see what the gift is. People, sometimes simple just is best.

Oh well, whatever gets me the free brownie and ice cream for birthday dessert.

Sulky Wednesday

I am sulking today...a lot, actually. They say you should stick to what you're good at and I will admit...I can sulk with the best of them! My miserable existence is prime sulking ground right now. First off, my $300 reimbursement for the dental work I had completed in Mexico in February ended up being a $15.65 reimbursement. Why should my luck change now, right? So, I was planning to take the check, have a friend/co-worker cash it today and have myself a real grand night out on the town at bingo. The friend/co-worker called in sick today, forgetting that this $15 check was pretty damn important to me right now, I've been peppered with phone calls and messages from an unrequited love of mine who I have been trying to shake now for months which is not helping to settle the sulking at all. Just more of the same from him, words that mean absolutely nothing to me. So, that's not pleasant.

I'm going to turn this day around though...I promise you, I will. My girl Stacy and I are going to bingo tonight, whether I have to hawk the damn dvd player or not and we are winning big, and when I say big...I'm not talking little. Later, I'm off to sulk.

I've got your whistle for you right here!

I know it's late, much too late to still be at work...but it's month end and I'm ready to strangle our cleaning guy to death. He has been whistling for the past 1/2 hour, he is at the other end of the building, I have my earphones on, plugged in to the computer, listening to Cities 97 and I can STILL hear him. He is Asian and barely speaks English and yet he is still, miraculously, able to whistle right along with whoever the hell is singing "Eternal Flame"...was that The Bangles, I can't quite remember it's been so long. Anyway, it is irritating the hell out of me and I want to strangle him. In a way it's confusing because how could he know this song so well and not speak a lick of English, with the exception of 'Hello' and 'Good Night'? And why is it that some people can whistle so loudly? I wonder why nobody else has mentioned how irritating it is, guess it's just me. I think I'll go pop him one right now.

Bingo Blues

What a blah week I've had. I suppose the dark, dreary, rainy weather could have played a small part in the overall misery of the week...but just a small part. I've just been out of sorts I suppose, not feeling like myself...whatever myself is supposed to feel like? Ok, too philosophical, I get it. I've been hitting the bingo hall a lot this week and don't have a penny to show for it, this after borrowing money from a coworker/friend (she offered it to me) after spending the last of my money at the bingo hall last week and not winning crap. Oh, sorry...I guess I did take home $12. I don't understand where the money goes...I'm a little disgusted with myself and guess I need to get all of this out of my system so that I can start to work within a budget after this bankruptcy. I have my 'court' date and am ready to just have all of this done so I can start over. Hopefully things will go off without too many hitches.

Dating Dip

After a very long, yet peaceful hiatus, I believe I am ready to jump back into the dating pool. I just have to decide which online service I will partake in. I think that the combination of school being out and summer on the horizon I am just ready for some company of the male persuasion. The trouble is, I don't enjoy the whole dating process. Where a lot of people love to meet new people and get to know them, I find it quite grueling and painstaking at times. There's entirely too much sorting that has to happen...I like this about the person, I don't like this about the person. Then you have to decide if the good outweighs the bad, let alone all of the questioning I pose to myself about what they could possibly be thinking about me. I'm just ready though, I'm not getting out there to meet people, so I guess I will need a third party to help with that. There is still such a desperate vibe for me with the whole online dating gig, but it does provide a wonderful opportunity to meet and come into contact with people I would probably never otherwise have the opportunity to meet. So...time to get my feet wet again. Here goes nothing, hopefully the first guy won't pee in my pool!

It's all a blur now!

I was very disappointed on Friday when I learned that I received a final grade of C+ in my Intro to Mass Comm class. I can't even remember the last time I got a C. It was not a good afternoon. I was somewhat recovered to see that I received an A- in my English class, so at least I have maintained my B average. I still didn't like the C+, but I will have to take my lump. I was very surprised to see that I did worse on the final in that class than I did on the midterm. I left that classroom last week after having taken the test and I felt very, very good about it. I felt that I had gotten a B or possibly even an A. I got 14 fewer points on the final than I did on the midterm, which resulted in a low C. I don't know what went wrong on that one, but now I don't really care either because I am done until September!

It Is Finished!

I just got back from turning in my final research paper, only 22hrs late. I made it through my first semester and while perhaps not with the brightest flying colors, I did make it unscathed. It actually really sucked having to walk past all the bars/restaurants as I walked the 10 blocks to deliver my paper since all the traditional students were busy celebrating the end of the semester. Boy did that cerveza look good today! Oh well, perhaps another time I will have to take the day off to celebrate properly. I am ready for my summer break now!

Hello...I'm Murphy's Law

What was supposed to have been the greatest day for me in a long time has been the longest, most horrific in a long time. Where do I begin? Ok, I'll start at 3am, since that's when my day began.

Since I didn't finish my final research project in time to turn it in when I went to school yesterday to take my last final, the plan was to run it over on my lunch hour today. Plan aborted. First of all, I was too wiped out after my final last night to really work much more on the paper, though I did do a bit when I got home (after watching a horrible Idol show). The plan was then to catch a few hours of shut eye and wake up refreshed and ready to finish the paper. I was up at 3am and did just that, with a few breaks and a LOT of coffee sandwiched in between. The next part of the plan was to forward my completed research paper to my e-mail since I don't have a functioning printer at home and would have to print it out at work. This is where things started to go awry. I was not able to forward the paper to any of a number of
e-mail addresses I attempted (5 in all, which could all be accessed from work). So, in a fit of frustration, and with no time left on the clock, I came into work hoping that by some miracle of events it may have forwarded somewhere. To no avail. Plan changed. After e-mailing my professor to explain the difficulties I had encountered, I decided I wouldn't abandon ship just yet. I decided to use my lunch hour to run home and save my paper to the disc in my drive so that I could still print it out and get it to her by 4:30pm today, which was the deadline. Well, you guessed it, no dice. Upon returning home, I discovered that what I believed to be a rewritable disc was in fact, not rewritable. Drove back to work, got a rewritable something or other to use in my computer at home to save the damn paper, returned home, thought I had saved the paper but yes, the paper was not saved. Now, to say I have been at my wit's end since around 7:30am this morning would be putting it very mildly indeed.

After my second unsuccessful round trip home and back, I decided to e-mail my professor for the 3rd time to tell her it didn't look like it was going to happen today. She did get back to me and extended her sympathies for my e-problems, saying tomorrow would be fine. I'm still wired beyond belief. Calgon...get your ASS over here!

A return to the (all too) familiar!

That's right...I was belly up again last night. There was a time when I thought I could never set foot in the bar again...that is, THE bar. In its' heyday, it really had an unnatural pull...one I could never quite put my finger on, but it was like a drug...it kept pulling me back and sucking me in. I believe I probably looked much like the above picture at the time. I've been there several times within the past month now and I'm starting to feel that gravitational pull again. Granted, it's not quite as strong as it once was (for 7+ years)...but it's tugging nonetheless. Perhaps there is some sentiment in the fact that this is the first bar I ever went to alone. I can thank the ex-boyfriend for that, we used to stop in once in a while and I got to know the bartender Dave, so I had absolutely no qualms about going up there one night by myself when the ex and I had a knock-down, drag-out. Turns out that was the first night of entirely too many nights. However, I got to know the gang and met some wonderful people, my best girl Stacy for one, who I can't imagine not having in my life...so for the most part it was worth it. They were dark, dark days though...days not easily revisited in my mind.

There's something almost hauntingly familiar about seeing the same faces I saw so very often for so very long. It's wonderful and yet, at the same time so incredibly sad. I guess it's hard to explain. I think that even though it's pulling at me again and I do enjoy stopping in periodically, the bottom line is that I just have no interest in returning to that life again. That was not a good time in my life and so even while I thought I was enjoying it so much then, in retrospect I realize just how horribly miserable and ridiculously depressed I was. I guess that feeling will always, in some way accompany my visits to this bar. I'm sure I'll be there a few more times and there are still people I'd like to see again that I haven't been able to yet, but I'm sure the pull won't reign victorious this time...I've had enough of that drug.

Is It Over Yet?

I have reached the point of no return with this semester. I have my final tonight (the one that was canceled last week) and I am no more prepared for it now than I was a week ago. I just want it to be over so I can focus on getting my research project completed before next Wednesday. I am now concerned that the 'A' I have been maintaining thus far will end up becoming a 'B' when all is said and done and, worse still, I don't care. My mantra lately has been 'it is what it is'...with both classes. I won't be at all surprised to be looking at a 'C' in my other class, since he grades on a flipping curve and not just straight percentage-wise, otherwise I have a solid 'B'. So, nothing short of acing the final will keep me from a 'C' in that class. Again, don't care...just need to be done.

And as for work...wow, whole 'nother story, don't want to be here at all anymore. Calgon...you know what to do!

Senselessness

My class and final were canceled tonight due to a bomb threat on the U of M campus. 8 buildings were evacuated and all classes/meetings were canceled for the remainder of the day. While my classroom building wasn't affected, it is near the campus mall which students were also told to steer clear of. I also park directly across the street from 2 of the buildings that were evacuated.

I was about to e-mail my professor to tell her I wasn't comfortable heading over there when she e-mailed us to let us know that she was canceling class. I certainly feel under prepared for the test so I suppose that it is a good thing that I now have an extra week to prepare. However, relief is not on the forefront right now. I am truly shaken by this and am equally disgusted with whoever was involved in it, since it appears that nothing has been found in the 4 hours they have been searching. In the past 2 days, 10 different states have had to deal with veiled bomb threats, mostly in schools...from elementary schools, high schools, colleges and universities, my school being the latest victim. It is all just so senseless. I'm just surprised by how shaken I am.

Haught for Naught

What a strange week this is for me. I was slotted to have a test tonight, a final exam tomorrow night and a class presentation and paper due on Thursday. After our professor sent out a revised study guide for tonight's test late yesterday afternoon, I freaked out after seeing that this study guide was for material I had not studied over the weekend. I double checked the syllabus to make sure I had my facts straight and e-mailed my professor back somewhat snidely stating that apparently we weren't going to be tested on the material in the syllabus for which I had studied all weekend long? He came back and said that's not what he saw in the syllabus but if I would prefer to take the test on the material I had studied, he would give me a week to test on the material everyone else had studied. Yes, it was my error...I read the syllabus incorrectly after having not had a problem reading the correct material all semester long. It's just been that kind of a week for me. So, I was very fortunate that he is a very unconventional professor and willing to work with his students in this way. I wiped the egg off my face, apologized to my professor for my error and thanked him for working with me.

So, now I have no test to take today since it isn't prepared, but will take it on Thursday after class, which does mean I will now have that test to continue studying for, the paper to prepare and the presentation to prepare for Thursday. None of this, of course, will commence until after tomorrow night's class, since I will be up close to all night preparing for my English final which I have tomorrow night. Haven't even started to look at that material...and I have a migraine today. Life is grand. I just keep telling myself that 3 weeks from Thursday I will be done, completely and blissfully done!

Connections

What is it that connects us to people? This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now and was prompted to finally post this after discussing connectedness with a friend earlier this evening. One of the reasons I've been really tossing this around is that there is a man that attends my church who I have a real connection with. We have seen each other outside of church, at other church-related activities, but always in a large group setting. Regardless of the size of the group function, he always makes it a specific point to seek me out. Although he is married with two grown children, we do have a real connection. However, I don't know what the true source of this attraction is. Initially, I was not drawn to him physically, but something drew us together...the first time we met. Ever since then, if I see him in church I linger afterward so I can say hello and talk with him. Usually, I don't even have to seek him out because he has already caught up with me. Without question, there is a mutual physical attraction there, but I know it runs deeper. I have not had the occasion to really pick his brain in an effort to discover what else might be lending to this unique connection, so I am left wondering. And I wonder well too. I wonder if it is, in fact, a shared experience, a common interest or common bond. Unfortunately it also isn't something that I can just come out and ask him, especially since he is off the market. Nonetheless, I would truly like to know what this glue is that holds us together.

People connect with certain people. I often think back to how and when my friendships were formed and I believe there has to be something akin for two people to initially connect, like personalities, a physical attraction, etc...then as you come to know that person better, you discover even more...goals and interests in common, shared life experiences, etc...That being said, there are also always those people with whom you are connected without ever really knowing why. This man is like that for me...again, admittedly I am physically attracted to him but that wasn't there from the start. I think the genuine affection he has for me probably lends well to that, after all, who doesn't appreciate attention from the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your deal). I just wonder if I'll ever know what it is that connects the two of us. I guess for now, I'll have to keep wondering...and keep my eyes open in church!

Is it May yet?

This is the longest 6 weeks of my life. Will this semester EVER end? I'm fried enough it just has to be done. But no, it isn't and I still have more to do than I even want to think about. I have decided to take the Summer off for sure though. My plan is to write this summer, write, write, write! I want to start my first book and I may get a really good jump on it so I'm very excited!

I officially declared English as my major a couple weeks ago, just because I don't have enough credits in the Journalism program to apply for that. So, since those are the two I was battling back and forth with, I'm thinking about a double major since they go so well together. Therefore, one would think I would want to be taking even more classes but I'm dropping down to just one for now. There is too much going on in my life right now to be able to handle that kind of course load and I don't want it to hurt my G.P.A.! So what if it takes me that much longer, at least I'll be able to enjoy the journey!

Spring Wonderland?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how the song goes. We should not have to be scraping our cars in mid-April. And I shouldn't have to be standing outside smoking a cigarette and freezing my ass off. Shape up Mother Nature...this isn't right!

It was a snow day...I didn't go to class tonight, if I had, I wouldn't be typing this post right now, but still sitting there. Shame on me, two days off work last week and now it will be two days off school this week. I can't help it...I don't stretch that thin. I am actually feeling a bit poopy...getting a sinus infection and just wiped out, and the weather sealed the deal for me tonight. I'm about to see who is leaving 'Idol' and I really hope it's Haley tonight. Then it's beddy bye time...seriously!

The ducks in the snow reminded me of the view outside my balcony. We have had the same pair of ducks at the apartment since I've been here, going on my 3rd year. Tonight I saw them take flight and looked outside to see their little footprints all across the snow in the back yard. Too cute!

A true test of memory!

Last night was not the first time I posted my second list of one hundred things. I just decided to go ahead and try it again when I got home from an Easter celebration with family. I had posted it earlier in the day, yesterday morning actually, but inadvertently deleted my post when I was attempting just to delete a picture I had attached to it. Sometimes I think the 'bloggers' directions really suck. So, my list was completely wiped out with absolutely no back up anywhere. I was quite disappointed to put it mildly and had no ambition to get right back to it. It took me a good hour and a half to do it the first time, and close to that the second as well. Plus, I knew there was no way I would be able to remember all 100 things that were randomly picked from my brain. I think I did a pretty good job though, although last night as I tossed and turned I began to remember a few more that I left off the second (or, shall we say third) time around. Could there be yet another set of one hundred idle thoughts rolling around?

Another hundred things!

Since a mere 100 things was far too scant a score, I offer here 100 more.

1. I am a poet in progress.
2. For my parent's 40th wedding anniversary, I wrote them a poem and presented it to them as a gift.
3. Fall is my favorite season.
4. Winter is my least favorite season.
5. I hate ironing.
6. My father and I butted heads a LOT when I was growing up, I seemed to always be angry with him.
7. While we still have our moments, I love him very dearly and tell him so often. We are the same person.
8. My mother and I have always been close. We are complete opposites.
9. My brother and I didn't particularly get along that well for the first 32 or 33 years of my life.
10. Today, I consider my brother to be one of my greatest blessings. While he is 21 months older than me, he waited a bit longer to grow up.
11. I am very proud of my brother. He has been a member of the volunteer fire department in our home town for 6 years.
12. My favorite flower is the daisy.
13. I've never broken a bone.
14. I have, however, suffered two concussions.
15. I once won a hairiest legs contest.
16. In high school, I swam on the swim team, played basketball (through sophomore year) and played softball.
17. I took figure skating lessons for 4 years.
18. I was in Suzuki piano for 2 years, participating in two play-thrus whereby I memorized two books of piano music (about 30 pieces in all) and played them through.
19. In 8th grade, I also participated in a national college-level competition.
20. I miss my piano. It is currently at my parents house as I have no room and it's a bitch to move.
21. I played the piano for my cousin's first wedding. They divorced. I don't play at weddings any longer.
22. Someday I would like to search for my biological parents.
23. I also hope that my firstborn child will want to meet me sometime.
24. I've never been downhill skiing.
25. I've only gone cross country skiing a handful of times, the results were disastrous, however...see #13.
26. I was the youngest of 10 grandchildren to get up on water skis at the cabin, at age 6.
27. Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark.
28. My favorite restaurant is Chevy's.
29. Two movies I never tire of watching are "Christmas Vacation" and "Singin' In The Rain".
30. I love attending plays and going to the theatre.
31. My favorite musical is "The Music Man".
32. Throughout my life, I have always had many friends. While some have come and gone, and some come back again, I have always had one or two very close friends.
33. Most of my friends are now married with children and families of their own.
34. As happy as I am for all of my friends, I am in equal part jealous of their lives, and feel as though I myself am standing still.
35. I become bored quite easily, most especially in my professional life.
36. I despise ruts, and am in constant flux.
37. I love to hand wash dishes.
38. My kitchen is always the cleanest room in my apartment.
39. My bedroom is always the messiest.
40. I have clutter down to a science.
41. In middle school I took the 1st place trophy for three 'Silver Skate Races' in my hometown, competing against both boys and girls of all ages.
42. I also won an alphabet belching contest, I was the only girl competing with three boys. My parents weren't as proud as I had hoped they'd be.
43. I've never been a girly-girl. I have terrible nails and rarely keep them polished.
44. However, I do love to dress up for special occasions and my toes are never without polish in the summer.
45. My feet are very small for my height. I am 5'10" tall and wear an 8 or 8 1/2.
46. I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life.
47. I am currently trying to lose weight. I have 100lbs to go...and it WILL go.
48. I love horror movies, a favorite is "Children of the Corn".
49. I have five piercings (in two ears) and no tattoos.
50. I hate exercising but love the feeling it gives me afterward.
51. I do not enjoy cooking.
52. I love to bake.
53. In high school, I wanted to be a marriage counselor.
54. My first career test had me pegged to be a garbage collector.
55. My favorite subject in high school was English.
56. I never took Biology, Geometry, Algebra or Trigonometry.
57. Despite my lack of scientific or mathematical prowess, somehow, I still manage to score above average on I.Q. tests.
58. I love being smart.
59. I hate stupid drivers. I scream at people in my car. Sometimes I hope they can hear me...or read my lips.
60. My favorite dessert is cheesecake.
61. I love to study. My mind is a sponge.
62. I think the ocean is a lonely creature.
63. My favorite body of water is the lake.
64. My maternal grandmother was one of my best friends. I lost her just over two years ago.
65. I delivered a eulogy at her funeral. I still miss her all the time.
66. I can't watch an episode of "Little House on the Prairie" without crying.
67. I've never understood soccer.
68. The Winter Olympics are my favorite.
69. I've been to 11 of the 50 states. There have been a few others but I'm not counting airport layovers.
70. I have very eclectic musical tastes, so eclectic that I do not even have a favorite band.
71. I do like any form of rap music, whatsoever.
72. My favorite poet is Edgar Allen Poe.
73. My favorite poem of his is "The Bells".
74. I get very lonely sometimes. I hate when people can't differentiate 'aloneness' with loneliness.
75. Sometimes I get so lonely all I can do is cry out to God.
76. I drive people crazy correcting their grammar and punctuation.
77. I want to learn Russian someday...I think it's the most romantic language.
78. I don't really find mountains that beautiful, or even majestic. They're just big rocks, after all.
79. I think the desert is terribly boring.
80. I have always been an excellent speller but have never participated in a spelling bee.
81. I never missed one episode of 'Dallas'.
82. I still didn't know who shot J.R.
83. I love red wine.
84. Bozo is still my favorite clown ever...'The Grand Prize Game' was the bomb.
85. My first undergraduate degree is in Early Childhood Family Education. I taught 2-4yrs olds for five years.
86. I hate that preschool gets such a bad rap.
87. I still cringe when I hear people refer to it as 'day care'. They don't realize that from age 0-5 we accumulate 50% of the knowledge we will attain in our entire lifetime. And THAT doesn't take some teaching?
88. I love candles.
89. I'm a terrible bowler.
90. I still dream of my wedding day, just as I did when I was a little girl.
91. I love solitude and spending long stretches of time alone.
92. I used to pretend I was married to Eric Estrada.
93. My favorite soft drink is Diet Coke. I think people that can't successfully pass the Pepsi/Coke challenge have broken taste buds.
94. I love an English accent...I melt like buttah.
95. I can't stand Ellen Degeneres or Rosie O'Donnell.
96. My dislike for these two women has nothing to do with their sexual preferences, I have close friends that are gay...but they are not annoying, like I find Ellen and Rosie to be.
97. I love fresh air.
98. I am very funny, witty and great with one-liners, however, I'm a terrible joke teller.
99. I love the smell of gasoline, I always have. Growing up I wanted to work at a gas station so I could smell it all day long.
100. I can't stand the smell of freshly mowed grass.

You wanna what?

I coulda been Mrs. Robinson, I coulda been a contender. I was asked out by a 21-year old KID on Tuesday, while spending a slightly lazy day at home. I'm not sure that I allowed myself to be flattered, I was too astounded to be honest. What a sad reality for me. I haven't been on a date in over 3 years now and really have no desire to at this point, I'm seriously too busy with life to think about it. And I'm ok with that. However, even if I were looking to date, that would be some serious cradle-robbing there, even though he felt it necessary to tell me he was 'legal'. Perhaps even more sad for him?

100 Things

Ok, here are my 100 things. My girl Stacy inspired me to move on this. I'm making these up as I go along, by the way. Not making them up like they didn't happen because I assume I will be truthful in my 100 things, just making them up as in they're coming off the cuff.

1. I am very long-winded (see above).
2. I am adopted.
3. I placed a child for adoption over 13 years ago.
4. I was born in Duluth, MN.
5. I was raised in Sauk Rapids, MN. Growing up, I loved living in a small town.
6. As an adult, I love living in or near the big city and will never live in a small town again.
7. I speak Spanish.
8. I've been to Spain.
9. I speak some French.
10. I've been to Canada.
11. I love Mexican food, I could eat it every day of my life.
12. I've been to Mexico.
13. I am an aspiring journalist.
14. I returned to college at age 35 to obtain a 2nd undergraduate degree, 11 years after receiving my 1st.
15. I have one pet, my cat Ishy.
16. She is the sweetest cat in the world...I have papers.
17. I have had just two men tell me they love me in my lifetime.
18. I didn't believe either one.
19. I have told just two men I love them.
20. I didn't mean it the first time, the second time I did.
21. My favorite movie is "The Way We Were".
22. If I could create a profession for myself, I would be a professional student.
23. I hate peas.
24. My parents are still married, almost 42 years after saying "I do".
25. My maternal grandparents were married over 50 years before my grandfather's death.
26. My paternal grandparents were also married over 50 years before my grandfather's death.
27. I am still single.
28. I'd like to start a wine collection.
29. I hate snow, but love the Midwest.
30. I hope to be a published author.
31. I hate asparagus.
32. My favorite color is red.
33. My best color is blue.
34. I've owned 4 cars in 21 years of driving. Only one of them (#3) was purchased brand new.
35. I have two D.U.I.'s.
36. I used to go to the bar 5-6 times per week.
37. I'm lucky if I go to the bar 5-6 times per year now.
38. Despite my loathing for peas and asparagus, I love the color green.
39. I was raised Lutheran, baptised and confirmed in a Lutheran church.
40. I attend a Lutheran church weekly, sometimes more.

41. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

42. I appeared on Wheel of Fortune.

43. I have one older brother, also adopted.

44. Both of my parents have just one sibling.

45. I love thunderstorms.

46. My junior high choir director told my parents I couldn't carry a tune, I now sing in a community choir.

47. I love sarcasm.

48. I hate ignorant people.

49. I love classical music.

50. I've stolen office supplies.

51. With the help of a 'friend' I used a razor blade to scrape the tabs off of a stranger's car, when I couldn't afford to purchase my own.

52. I don't know what day of the week or what time of the day I was born.

53. I'm a butt girl.

54. I would love to meet Johnny Depp.

55. I love to read, almost anything.

56. I love crosswords and sudoku puzzles.

57. I'm a trivia junkie.

58. I am extremely gullible.

59. I hate spiders and can't kill them.

60. I was in the room with 3 of my grandparents when they died. I would be there again.

61. My parents are retired.

62. They travel 6 or more months out of the year. I miss them when they are gone.

63. I've always wanted a sister.

64. I've received one speeding ticket, at the age of 16.

65. I can eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting.

66. My worst fear is that I won't have children.

67. I cry when thinking about my worst fear.

68. I saw Barry Manilow in concert.

69. I love to laugh.

70. I hate doing laundry.

71. I am highly unorganized.

72. I am very analytical.

73. My favorite holiday is Easter.

74. My least favorite holiday is Halloween.

75. My favorite book is "To Kill a Mockingbird".

76. I've never been to the opera.

77. I hate grocery shopping.

78. I'm afraid of heights.

79. I love watching golf.

80. I play the piano, the flute and some guitar.

81. I talk to myself a lot.

82. My favorite song is Pachelbel's "Canon in D".

83. I hate cleaning.

84. I never went to my high school prom.

85. I lost my virginity at the age of 18.

86. I was pregnant at 21.

87. I went on my first date at the age of 24.

88. I love horses.

89. I've never sewn a button on anything.

90. I have 3 cabbage patch dolls. I got my last one (a preemie) when I was a freshman in high school.

91. I've laughed so hard I've peed my pants.

92. I am a Democrat.

93. I love Jeopardy.

94. I did something horrible; only 4 other people on this earth know about it.

95. These four people are all close friends.

96. I've forgiven myself for this horrible thing.

97. I've never eaten sushi.

98. I'm pretty sure I never will eat sushi.

99. I love to walk in the rain.

100. I am secretly in love with David Byrne.

A Paradoxical Puzzle

My life is so odd right now, I often stop to reflect on the sheer absurdity of things. On the one hand, I'm attending a Big 10 university (at an exorbitant per credit cost), working toward a 2nd undergraduate degree in Journalism, in a major metropolis which is an absolute boom town when it comes to journalistic opportunities. Awesome! Fantastic! And even though I like to bitch about how busy and tired I am because I majorly overloaded things coming out of the gate, what an incredible opportunity I have been given to do this. That, in and of itself, is surreal to me. We won't stop short though, let us not forget the other hand.

On the other hand, I am about to declare bankruptcy (yes, still on the verge) and am stalled because I haven't been able to afford the fees involved with getting copies of past tax returns that I (very irresponsibly) could not find. Of course the rest of the usual check-to-check bullshit still follows me around...things like, am I going to have to borrow gas money or parking money again from a friend before payday, eating crap because it's all I can afford to eat...that fun stuff. Yes, if you haven't figured it out...school is being paid for by my parents, as are the bankruptcy fees. How else could I be doing all that I'm doing? Attending a Big 10 university and declaring bankruptcy, by all rights, are mutually exclusive.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that with 6 weeks left in the semester, and lots of work to do within those 6 weeks, I'm going to try not to sulk, whine, complain and generally portray a dismal attitude. I need to be grateful for the opportunity I've been given, especially considering my financial life right now and I just need to buck up. This is a pretty good thing I've got going here and I'm losing sight of that by feeling sorry for myself. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to revel in the paradox!

Missing You

Over the past several months, since beginning school, I have noticed that there are several things I really miss doing with my free time, since it is such a rare commodity now. Here are just a few of them:

* Reading (just for the fun of it)

I used to visit the library weekly, every Saturday, to pick up a couple of books for the week. One would be for light reading at work during breaks and lunch, and the other something a bit more involved for extended reading. I can't remember the last time I actually got to read for fun. I have a book that I started a while back but by the time I get around to having the time to read it, I'm so wiped out from reading textbooks and writing papers and studying until my eyes are halfway in back of my head, nothing much sinks in anyway so I usually quit before I get started.

* Going to movies at the theater

Yes...I am the quintessential 'movie buff'. If there was something decent to see at the theater, I was usually there 3-4 x's per month. Your math is correct, close to a movie a week...sometimes even more, depending on my schedule and what there was to choose from. I've even been known (on more than one occasion) to pull double and triple headers on a weekend, usually close to Oscar night, when I'm trying to squeeze in all the nominated pictures.

* Writing

Obviously, I'm a Journalism major so writing is important to me. I was just getting into my stride too, right before school started, with lots of ideas budding and thoughts milling around and they seem to have all become stunted with the busyness of school. To be sure, I still have my little pen and pad of paper with me everywhere I go so that I can record the ideas that pop in and out so quickly sometimes. However, with my brain basically resembling something akin to mush at this point, unless I'm able to generate the complete thought on paper, by the time I revisit my ramblings I'm usually at a loss to discover what in tarnation I was thinking when I wrote it.

* Down Time

Just good old quiet time to sit and reflect on life. I am a very contemplative person and love to muse but, again, now that my mind is almost always otherwise engaged with school activities, projects, etc...my musings aren't quite as revelational, if you will.

So, I'm looking forward to Summer (yes, already)...which I will most definitely be taking off entirely from school so that I can read, read, read...see all the Summer blockbusters (and hopefully there will be some decent ones) and write until my heart is content. Then, when I'm done with all of that I can sit down and reflect upon how well my time was spent. Is it mid-May yet?

Textbook Overload!

No more books...no more books!!!!! I suppose it is a combination of the weather, having just come off spring break and just being worn to the core...but I am so ready to be done with school for this semester, it's crazy. Last night as I sat trying to study for my umpteenth test in this class tonight I was just spent and almost resulted to tears...instead I just packed up the books and went to bed. I know I majorly overdid things this first semester, kind of jumped in with like 4 or 5 feet ahead and have found myself stumbling ever since. I've learned a hard lesson, that's for sure...do NOT schedule yourself to be in class, ON campus, 3 nights a week...not cool, Trudy. Where was that little voice when I needed it most?

Anyhow...I shall finish the semester out like a good little student and hopefully A/B my classes (which I am at least on pace to do now)...and then take a nice little respite until August. I had thought about taking one or two over the summer but the way I feel right now, it's just not going to be happening. I hope the next 6-7 weeks fly by, even though I have another umpteen things to get done before the end of the semester. Crimony...was I actually excited about this 4 months ago?

Taylor Troubles

It is a sad morning indeed. Had I started my blog earlier in the year than I did in 06', no doubt everyone would have been privy to just how ridiculously twitterpated I am with Taylor Hicks. From the very moment I laid eyes on him on American Idol last year, I was a goner. The phrase "He had me at hello" springs to mind, although it is perhaps misplaced here since he's never actually greeted me before. So, I'll just say he had me with his harmonica and it just got better from there.

On to the reason for my malaise this Thursday morning. Although I was fortunate enough to be able to see Mr. Hicks and the rest of the "Top Ten" on tour at the Excel Energy Center last year with my girl Stacy, I was very much looking forward to seeing him solo at Mystic Lake on Sunday night. A friend at work and I began talking about it months ago, when we first learned he would be there. Unfortunately, it left our busy minds and by the time we remembered that we had forgotten (a couple weeks ago), the "Soul Patrol" was already sold out. Our last ditch efforts are not paying off either, so it is a sulky morning.

And to think that maybe THIS time I would have actually been able to give him the flowers that I was too stinkin' far away to give him last year. Don't fret Taylor, our day is near.

So Long, Farewell

Yes, it is a glorious Monday. We got to say goodbye to our very least favorite co-worker (light on the worker part) this morning, even though he drove into Bloomington from Blaine (not a real short trip) with the expectation that, not only would he be putting in his eight hours today, but also for the rest of the week and for 3 days next week. He put in his 2-week notice last week and our boss really wanted to walk him straight out the door but his hands were tied a bit...until the rest of us helped to untie them on Friday afternoon when we decided we really couldn't handle one more shred of his bullshit. So, after one of my coworkers volunteered to fill our boss in on what the twerp had been spending his time on since giving his notice, and offering some suitable alternatives for training that would not need to involve him, we were all quite pleased to see him leave this morning. If you so choose, you could revisit this previous post of mine and see that it is, in fact, 'Thorn #2" that is no longer with our company.

http://trudy-welcometo.blogspot.com/2006/12/toxic-workland.html


If, in fact he really does have this new job lined up (and based on what has been said, we're not convinced he does), let me just say...if you live in the North metro and order from Schwan's...look out, he could be your new Schwan's delivery guy and he's a trip and a half!

F.Y.I. -- Thorns 1 & 3 are both still there and just as thorny as ever, but I guess two thorns are better than 3?

Luck of the....Scandinavian?

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day to all! I'm not Irish, not one drop of the green blood coursing through, yet I decided to take my last $30 and hit the bingo hall on St. Patty's Day. Perhaps a bit of a quizzical turn for someone who is about to declare bankruptcy...but I figured I could either go pick up my dvd player and dvd's from the pawn shop, or I could roll the dice for a potential return of more than just my dvd player. The decision was made easier knowing that my brother has offered to give me one of his 3 dvd players so I don't have to pay the pawn shop to get mine back.

I am pleased to report that I did not require even a wee bit o' luck of the Irish variety, but that my Scandinavian blood possesses a bit o' fortune of its' own. I did not even wear a shred of green and still managed to win $99, which for me at present, IS a pot of gold. It means not having to sweat for the next two weeks about how to keep gas in my car without the help of friends. It is a good feeling, almost as good as the feeling elicited by the knowledge that I will more than likely be declaring bankruptcy later in the week and can gleefully put to rest the financial nightmare I have been living for the past year and a half! Woo hoo! You go you bloodsucking, greedy little attorney bastards...plead my sad little case!!!!

May the road rise to meet you and the wind always blow at your back! Long live Ireland! Ok, so I like to pretend to be Irish once a year...work with me here!

Leeches & Smokes

I've got good news and bad news today. First, the good news (ill-humored as it is)...I'm no longer worried about how much I'm smoking because I'm no longer going to try to quit! It is an exercise in futility and I've just decided it's a bigger headache trying to quit and then dealing with the guilt arising when I'm not able to succeed. So, that's my good news.

The bad news is that I met with the bankruptcy attorneys last night and while I have paid the retainer fee, they need a very sizable filing fee in order to proceed. I am awaiting a decision from a family member who will more than likely be able to help me get things started, but I am stressed to the hilt nonetheless. I had an idea of what kind of money might be involved, based on others I know who have previously filed, however, it seems with the new bankruptcy laws, part of making it more difficult for people to file is demonstrated by their exorbitant fees. Yeah, I guess one way to discourage someone from filing bankruptcy is to charge them an arm and a leg. Hello people...we are coming to you for help because we can't AFFORD to pay the bills, not because we're looking for a bigger one. Money..I'll just never really understand it.

Ciggie Update

Oops...turns out we didn't get through Day 5 after all. Long story, but I received a very upsetting phone message and decided there was no way in hell I was going to make it without a cigarette. Ok, let me rephrase. Of course I would have been able to make...just as easily as I was able to make it without downing a 5th of tequila...it's just that I really wanted a cigarette and decided that my want was going to take precedence over everything else. And it's Day 5, not MONTH 5 for God's sake...so I get some slack here. Maybe didn't need to go buy a whole pack...but hey, what the hell. I'll quit after this one, I hope!

bye bye smokey treats!

It's Day 5 sans ciggies. Hasn't been fun either...I decided last weekend to really quit this time, not just for a while like I have been doing. This was prompted after reading the 'Time' article on Saturday. I didn't seem to have any trouble on the weekend but since then I have really been struggling. I haven't smoked but shit do I want to...still, at this very moment I do. It comes in waves though and I'm finding that if I just ride them out, they will eventually pass. Hopefully that continues to do the trick for me. This weekend will be a challenge because I'll be having a few cocktails, which is always the tough part for me...they've just always gone hand in hand. I have to do it though because I have this weird feeling that if I kept going I would start smoking more than I ever have before. I think it's just all the stress accompanying my financial fracas! No need for it...especially with the impending exercising (impending because I still have to do that this week, so far the weekend was nothing but a surge). So, look out lungs...it's cleanup time!

The 'Weight' is Over

Imagine my embarrassment when I have to report that before this afternoon, it had been close to two months since my feet hit the treadmill at my apartment. Amazingly, I have not gained any weight in that time...I say amazingly because not only have I been completely forgoing the exercise portion of things, but also the diet. Not that I've been eating terribly, just not sticking to the diet so I certainly hadn't expected to have lost any weight, but I am pleased that I am still down 13-14lbs since I started in mid-December. Sure, I had valid excuses for not working out all this time, but all excuses aside, it was just nicer not doing it. However, after my 30-minute walk today I understand why I've felt so tired for the past two months, and it's not because my hours and days have been so crazy with school, work, vacationing, etc...it's because I HAVEN'T been working out. I guess I just needed a little extra push or incentive to get cracking again...and nothing screams treadmill to me like clothes shopping!

That's right...I had to try on clothes today and I so hate that because I am forced to remind myself what size I'm in, which is ridiculous. So, that did it for me...after buying a very flattering pair of pants (despite the size) I got home and hit it hard. It also didn't hurt that while I was waiting for the boys at Tires Plus to finish my oil change, I happened to come upon an article in 'Time' magazine about women and heart disease. They listed the three biggest risk factors, which were obesity, poor diet and lack of physical activity, and unfortunately, in this instance, going three for three does not proffer a prize. Tack smoking onto that list and I'm even worse off than before. Fortunately, I just smoked the last cigarette in the pack last night so I'm going to do my best to rid myself of that nasty habit again...since it severely lacks cohesiveness with the exercise regimen. So, off I go again...as I told my mom in AZ while vacationing and sharing an ice cream sundae...I could still get a lot accomplished between now and my birthday, just a little over 5 months from now. While I don't like to set long-term goals when it comes to my weight loss...I'll add up a few short-term ones and say I'd like to be down another 36lbs before my birthday...which holds fast to the 2lbs/wk standard. That would place me at 50lbs total weight loss, with 77lbs to go to reach my goal weight. Suffice it to say...that was my last sundae for quite a while. Perhaps mom and I can split another next year when I visit since I could very likely have reached my goal by then. Ah well, a year without ice cream isn't that horrible, is it?

Mo' Better Money!

I am not very good at standing up for myself when it comes to the kind of money I should be making. I'm a bit of a glutton for punishment there and really, I shouldn't be. I'm not really sure where that stems from either but a change is in the wind...tis for sure! I am so fed up with this place right now that I really just don't want to be here anymore, however, since I am, you better be damn sure I'm going to be making what I should be making. I think that has been the biggest thing for me, just thinking I don't care about this stupid job anyway and won't be staying so why even bother trying to negotiate salary. That is just stupid and my friend and co-worker ever so eloquently pointed that out for me. So, I can talk the big talk but now I have to walk the walk. I found out that the starting wage for a claims writer (which I now am for the most part) is $2.25/hr MORE than what I am currently making. Can you say ridiculous? Granted, writing claims is not my sole job responsibility, as it is for the others, but I've taken on so much more within the past year that my salary pales in comparison to my job responsibilities. So, I say no more. As soon as I get up the gumption I'll tell my boss I want a little sit down to discuss my meager salary. Then hopefully things won't seem quite as dismal for me financially, especially after I file for bankruptcy and can get this garnishment stopped...that's really killing me. So, I'm thinking next week for sure, as soon as things calm down from month end. And it will have to take effect immediately, not when the 'raises' go into effect for everyone in June. This will make a difference of close to $5000/yr in my salary...tell me I won't feel that!

The Daily Grind

Yep, it's back to the everyday crap again after my brief, albeit warm hiatus in AZ. Got in late last night, it was an interesting flight but all worked out ok in the end. Let's see, the highlight of my trip was the fact that my parents did not get too in depth with the financial talk, so even though I'm back to square one with things, I was spared that very unpleasant talk. Oh, they touched on a few things...those things that they've been telling me for close to 20 years now that just haven't quite stuck yet. So anyway...I'll probably still be facing bankruptcy soon, but at least I can say I took care of things myself. Which is probably better anyway.

I also got my two teeth fixed in Mexico while I was vacationing, not the best part of the vacation, but nice to have it done anyway. Plus I was able to brush up on my Spanish while there. Now it is back to the daily grind and although I do have today scheduled as vacation, it will be spent studying for my midterm tonight and preparing a draft for a paper which is due tomorrow night. Yeeha, I've already decided that next year I will be heading to AZ when I have a school break and don't need to worry about how much studying and homework I am not getting done. I guess I won't be as worried about that when I'm on my Nolo (New Orleans) in September...that will be a first and while it's much too early to be posting about it...I'm excited as all get out! Well, guess that's about it for now...must hit the books!

I Give Up Already!

I am feeling woefully underprepared for my World Englishes exam tonight. I am sick and tired (literally, sinus infection and 4 hrs sleep). I just completely stopped even trying to study last night and went to bed because there was nothing getting through to my brain. Part of my test tonight is on phonetics (gross) and phonetic symbols (grosser). Our professor told us she wasn't going to get into phonetics too heavily, so it will be interesting to see what her equivalent of 'too heavy' is. I'm just not looking forward to it at all. In my angst to start school off with a bang, I think I may have just taken on more than I am able to handle with these two classes. I am completely drained, wiped out, shot, done for, kaput! And how fabulous it is that in tandem with not having exercised in over a month, I'm also now smoking again. Thankfully, I'm still losing weight on the diet portion of things (although with my schedule, I'm eating much fewer calories than the diet even allows). Not the healthy way to go about things at all, oh well, right now I say what the hell ever.

I am SO beyond ready for AZ next week. If only it were going to be more than just 5 measly days. I guess it's better than nothing, which may very well be what I get on my test tonight.

Thanks Big Bro!

What a day. I haven't really been looking forward to this weekend too much since I knew it was going to be basically filled with studying for my two upcoming tests this week. However, it is now 5:19pm and I have managed to read a whopping 3 pages of the 90 required reading for my Tuesday test. Yay...just 87 to go, and while some of it is maybe not 'put you to sleep boring', to say it's scintillating is a stretch beyond even the wildest imagination. It's been an interesting day, an eventful day with some fun, heartwarming surprises.

My morning started out per usual by way of Saturday mornings, that is. I got up, watched a bit of tele and had my coffee and breakfast. Mom called (our Saturday morning thing) and suddenly I was just hit with this dismal, dark mood...and not in the mood to talk whatsoever. I feel kind of bad about that, because I can't remember really ever being more short on words with her...even while in the midst of my depression. Then, things took quite an ironic turn when my brother called. He had actually called me while I was 'not talking' with mom and so I called him back. I still owe him two months worth of phone bills which I had told him I would try to get to him somewhere around the 1st of this month. He e-mailed me a reminder and I had
e-mailed him back saying it would have to wait until the 15th, that things were 'not good' right now. So, I ended up totally fessing up everything to him on the phone, told him how much trouble I'm really in and that I was seriously considering bankruptcy...told him about the loan garnishment and all the juicy details. He told me several times that I needed to talk with mom and dad and I eschewed him in equal measure and told him he was sworn to secrecy and that I needed to take care of this myself. He is genuinely worried for me and told me that repeatedly. I guess we've both done a lot of growing up over the years and have become closer, though certainly not as close as many siblings must be. We are both adopted and while that can't count as a reason for us being so different, we really are very different people, in many ways. However, today I realize that I am very fortunate to have him for a brother. He just called me again about an hour ago to check up, he's worried about me being sad and depressed and not having any money to do fun stuff. He said he isn't made of millions but would help me out as much as he can. Said that I could call him anytime and that he was there for me. I'm getting a little teary right now just thinking about it. It was pretty cool. That's all.

What the huh?

Holy crap! I knew my blogging was going to take a hit once school started, but I'm really pushing it here. So, I've decided that Thursdays are my new favorite day of the week...well, they will be after this one anyway. Tonight, I have to retake my first test before class since I failed to achieve the required 80% the first time. This prof has a seriously screwed up testing policy for these though. He calls them Mastery Tests and we take them every week on Tuesday, the tests are based on a couple of chapters from the book, and are a combination of vocabulary/essay questions. I will admit, I was not even close to prepared for the first one, since it was on the Tuesday following a weekend where I was tied up and away from home without access to my syllabus (not literally tied up). Basically, I didn't know the test was occurring until Monday morning when I looked at the syllabus. I got 13 out of 16 points, 16 needed to achieve the 80%. Now, this is where it begins to get cloudy and make, well really, no sense at all. If you do not achieve 80%, you must retake the test during office hours within a week, and you only get to retake it once. The glitch is that you are not retaking this test to try to improve upon your original score, that's not possible. The 2nd go round, you HAVE to achieve 80% (or 16 pts), just to keep your original test score, otherwise your score turns to '0'. So, in other words, if I do pass tonight, I will get my 13 points, even if I score, say a 20 tonight. Meanwhile, this also inhibits a student's ability to study for the next test so they don't fall into the same ol' trap again! Today, I am awaiting the results of my test from this past Tuesday, which I feel I did a much better job on and am confident I will receive at least the 16 pts needed, but I guess we'll see what kind of a grader he is. In a way...I don't even care if I have to take this first test in the shorts, I'm tired of studying and have a weekend full of it in front of me.

So, after tonight...Thursday will be my new favorite day of the week because the Thursday night session of this class is much more laid back...with students doing presentations, much like debates. And then, I have 4 days off from school! It's a beauteous thing really.

Hitting the Books: Week 2

It's week 2 of school...starting tonight. I'm feeling slightly more adjusted and prepared for the week. I will miss class on Thursday due to a prior commitment, however...I just feel more together. Don't have to worry about getting lost since I hit my quota for the semester last week. Now it's time to get organized and figure out when things need to be done, so I'm not working too hard to hone my skills of procrastination. Trust me, they don't need much honing. I have plenty to do, however, for the TWO classes I have and need to start figuring things out quickly because the weeks seem to get much shorter when they are crammed full like this. It is fun though...I'm trying not to lose sight of that fact!

Boom Goes the Dynamite!

I am so far beyond frazzled it's silly...this morning I had a major meltdown. It's been stewing since Tuesday night, I'm sure, when I had my first night of class. I have been secrectly freaking out and harboring mass amounts of stress in my little underused brain. I have classes 3 nights each week at school and have to leave right from work...so far the first 2 haven't been so great so I'm hoping the 3rd time is a charm! Tuesday night I got lost going to class, was 5 minutes late...but thankfully the professor was 10 minutes late. Last night, got lost again...going to the same parking ramp nonetheless, and was 20 minutes late. Not cool. Plus, instead of the $5 I expected to pay, it was $9 for 'special event' parking. Not cool. Tuesday night, I got lost leaving (damn one-way MPLS streets anyway), but did better last night on that front.

Had an issue with the bank and 'disappearing' funds again yesterday and today and while it is now resolved, it hit me hard this morning. I was just so frustrated. I've been concerned about work too and the arrangements I've had to make to work around my class schedule...I'm always worried about inconveniencing people. Well, obviously that worked out fine too because it really wasn't that big of a deal...I just work things up to be so huge and overwhelming in my head that I just think it is going to be the end of the world. I don't know why I do this...but I always have. Someday, perhaps I'll learn why and can stop it.

So...the first week of school hasn't been as exciting as I hoped it would be. I'm still stuck in 'Surrealville' with everything...as if it is someone else's body running through campus trying to get to a building she's never seen...or trudging down Washington Ave SE in MPLS past the bars she used to drink in. I don't get it...what am I really doing here? Perhaps I will soon learn.

Back to School

It's Day 1! I have had so many mixed feelings about returning to school but I am happy to report today, nothing is overshadowing my excitement! I am so beyond ready for this, it's borderline ridiculous. I am a STUDENT again, and not just of life! I hope to be a better student this time around too...not that I didn't make the grade or get the work done. I'm just thinking about things like needing to hone in on my procrastination skills, since they were all too existent my last go round. Especially with working FT, I will really have to stay on top of things. But I couldn't be looking any more forward to the challenge...yay me, here we go!!!!

School Daze

So, I got all registered for school yesterday. The whole experience was very surreal for me and I'm finding myself much more nervous now than I have been. I mean, I can't believe that in exactly 1 week, 2hrs and 27 minutes I will be sitting in a classroom for what will be my first college lecture in almost 11 years. I am just going part-time to start (and possibly until I finish) since I have to work FT as well this go round. I still have to get with my boss to make some alterations to my work schedule. I was hoping to be able to avoid that altogether but it looks like it's not going to happen. So, I'm nervous about that too. I just hadn't planned on all of these nerves what with all of the excitement that was clearly masking them. Plus, this PT gig is sure feeling like more than PT right now...I'm only going to have one completely free weeknight, on Friday, otherwise the other 4 are booked solid for the next 4-5 months. I will never be home. So, I'm nervous about finding time to study without that occupying all of my free time. I'd like to think my weekends could maybe be about something other than homework. I'll know more about course loads and such next week. The other things I'm nervous about are being on the U of M campus at night 3x's a week. I'm hoping the parking won't be too far away from my classes, but of course I was so tired and overwhelmed after everything yesterday that I didn't even bother to scope out where my classes actually were. I think I'll be taking a bit of a tour this weekend. Oh well...I'm in for the long haul now...here we go!

Oy vay...the egos!

As you may have already surmised, there are many things that bother me about my current employer. Today, it is the highly overinflated egos that abound in my building. Since, I am in the corporate area of our mid-sized company...I have the pleasure of seeing the President, CEO, CFO, Vice-President and Owner/Founder all in my little office building area. Oh and let me tell you...the joy! Although I don't see them everyday (thank GAWD)...I see them enough and I want to vomit when I do. Now, believe me I don't need any affirmation of approval or a nod or anything from any of them, really...I'm just here to do a job and get paid for it, until I can get out of here and do something I actually want to be doing and get paid for that. However, they walk by occasionally when they're not busy in their offices...to do something highly important, no doubt, and their noses are so far up in the air you would think they would suffer from altitude sickness. Whatever...get over yourself people. It's us little peons that make you!

The Exercise Element

Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
~~~~~

I saw this quote and just busted a gut. That fits me to a "t"! I can't stand the exercise part of the whole weight loss gig...but it's unavoidable for me. Sure, I could lose weight just following this reduced-calorie plan...but it comes off a whole heck of a lot faster when exercise is in the mix. That's just pure science (which, incidentally, I also can't stand). I did finally start the exercise part, albeit two weeks after starting the diet and have stuck to it for 4 days now...yay me! They say it takes 30 days to form a habit...so I only have 26 to go!

And for all those naysayers out there who thought I was crazy to start my diet BEFORE the holidays...I say at least now my scale is tipping 10lbs the right way! Ok, just one more quote...because these are so great!

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out,but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
~~~~~

The Great Orator

One of my secret delights every year is to discover who the latest contenders (and ultimately, the winners) of the Foot in Mouth Awards will be. These are annually awarded in London by the Plain English Campaign (because who knows English better than the English). The results are usually posted in Wired (great site, by the way). While the winner has not yet been announced, I was able to take a gander at the contenders...and, will wonders never cease...there were several submissions courtesy of Dubya, a veritable treasure trove of just plain stupid observations, to be exact. This was my personal favorite though:

"One of the things I've learned on the Google is to pull up maps. It's very interesting to see -- I've forgotten the name of the program -- but you get the satellite, and you can -- like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It reminds me of where I wanna be sometimes."-- Bush, asked during an interview with CNBC if he ever googled anybody.

Rest assured, we're in great hands America...after all, not just anyone would allow themselves to be put here:

http://www.addictinggames.com/fallingbush.html

Happy 2007 to all!