That's right...I was belly up again last night. There was a time when I thought I could never set foot in the bar again...that is, THE bar. In its' heyday, it really had an unnatural pull...one I could never quite put my finger on, but it was like a drug...it kept pulling me back and sucking me in. I believe I probably looked much like the above picture at the time. I've been there several times within the past month now and I'm starting to feel that gravitational pull again. Granted, it's not quite as strong as it once was (for 7+ years)...but it's tugging nonetheless. Perhaps there is some sentiment in the fact that this is the first bar I ever went to alone. I can thank the ex-boyfriend for that, we used to stop in once in a while and I got to know the bartender Dave, so I had absolutely no qualms about going up there one night by myself when the ex and I had a knock-down, drag-out. Turns out that was the first night of entirely too many nights. However, I got to know the gang and met some wonderful people, my best girl Stacy for one, who I can't imagine not having in my life...so for the most part it was worth it. They were dark, dark days though...days not easily revisited in my mind.
There's something almost hauntingly familiar about seeing the same faces I saw so very often for so very long. It's wonderful and yet, at the same time so incredibly sad. I guess it's hard to explain. I think that even though it's pulling at me again and I do enjoy stopping in periodically, the bottom line is that I just have no interest in returning to that life again. That was not a good time in my life and so even while I thought I was enjoying it so much then, in retrospect I realize just how horribly miserable and ridiculously depressed I was. I guess that feeling will always, in some way accompany my visits to this bar. I'm sure I'll be there a few more times and there are still people I'd like to see again that I haven't been able to yet, but I'm sure the pull won't reign victorious this time...I've had enough of that drug.
2 comments:
I felt the pull as well, but it was more of a sentimental pull and I realized that I really wasn't the same person as I was before. I am no longer the same patron who went there on a continual basis; spending most of my paycheck for the week. I have much more to look forward to now than I did then. As the saying goes, it is a nice play to visit, but I wouldn't want to stay there.
Like I said before, I have to log-in from somewhere.
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