Endless Night

It's 3:51pm and I don't think I'm anywhere close to this work day ending. How sad for me. Yesterday was a horrendous day as our main system was down the entire day, which did not help us to prepare what little we could have prepared for month end today. So, as a collective group yesterday afternoon, we decided that we would stay as late as necessary tonight so that we would not have to come in on Saturday as well. I'm afraid we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. Ugh! Unfortunately, I will not be coming in tomorrow since it will be the last chance I have to see my parents before they leave for the winter (and late Summer and Fall). So, it could get quite ugly here. Hopefully, I can get a few hours' sleep before hitting the road tomorrow morning! Happy 4th of July all!

Day 1 - almost

"If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories"

This is my last day of food freedom! I signed up for Weight Watchers today and will go for my first weigh-in tomorrow, although I have an idea of where I'm at. This also means, of course that I'll need to start my exercising again. That's always a bitch to get going on, I just hate it. However, given that I also decided to quit smoking this week...that should make it somewhat easier for me. So, now I'm trying to decide what I want my 'last meal' to be. In the event that I don't make it to a meeting tomorrow as intended, I'll go on Tuesday, which is going to be my regular meeting day. I am really pumped to get moving on this, it's a real late start, considering half of it was supposed to be gone by my birthday (which is now in 3 weeks). So, I suppose I'll have to set a new goal now. Three weeks from today I will be down 7lbs. Woohoo, here I go!

P.C. Gone Wild?

This just strikes me as hilarious. So, apparently just certain departments or certain people receive recognition/celebrations/decorations on their birthdays...I won't go in to trying to figure that out right now because it really makes no sense anyway.

So, on to the hilarity. I will preface this by saying that I have no prejudices, ill feelings or any negative association with homosexuals whatsoever. As I have stated before, I have friends that are gay and "to each his own" is a favorite and oft quoted motto of mine. That aside, there is a lesbian in our accounting department and it happens to be her birthday today. She also happens to be one of the lucky few who has received the birthday accoutrement. I fear that those in charge of decorating her cube may have been very confused and/or nervous as to just how to do so without offending or misstepping in any way, shape or form. The result was utterly ridiculous, if I do say so myself. She also happens to be a hockey player and so her cube is doused with inflatable hockey sticks and a sign that says 'Hockey Birthday'. It is more masculine than any of the cubes I have previously seen decorated for the men in the building. I can hardly wait to see what the gift is. People, sometimes simple just is best.

Oh well, whatever gets me the free brownie and ice cream for birthday dessert.

Sulky Wednesday

I am sulking today...a lot, actually. They say you should stick to what you're good at and I will admit...I can sulk with the best of them! My miserable existence is prime sulking ground right now. First off, my $300 reimbursement for the dental work I had completed in Mexico in February ended up being a $15.65 reimbursement. Why should my luck change now, right? So, I was planning to take the check, have a friend/co-worker cash it today and have myself a real grand night out on the town at bingo. The friend/co-worker called in sick today, forgetting that this $15 check was pretty damn important to me right now, I've been peppered with phone calls and messages from an unrequited love of mine who I have been trying to shake now for months which is not helping to settle the sulking at all. Just more of the same from him, words that mean absolutely nothing to me. So, that's not pleasant.

I'm going to turn this day around though...I promise you, I will. My girl Stacy and I are going to bingo tonight, whether I have to hawk the damn dvd player or not and we are winning big, and when I say big...I'm not talking little. Later, I'm off to sulk.

I've got your whistle for you right here!

I know it's late, much too late to still be at work...but it's month end and I'm ready to strangle our cleaning guy to death. He has been whistling for the past 1/2 hour, he is at the other end of the building, I have my earphones on, plugged in to the computer, listening to Cities 97 and I can STILL hear him. He is Asian and barely speaks English and yet he is still, miraculously, able to whistle right along with whoever the hell is singing "Eternal Flame"...was that The Bangles, I can't quite remember it's been so long. Anyway, it is irritating the hell out of me and I want to strangle him. In a way it's confusing because how could he know this song so well and not speak a lick of English, with the exception of 'Hello' and 'Good Night'? And why is it that some people can whistle so loudly? I wonder why nobody else has mentioned how irritating it is, guess it's just me. I think I'll go pop him one right now.

Bingo Blues

What a blah week I've had. I suppose the dark, dreary, rainy weather could have played a small part in the overall misery of the week...but just a small part. I've just been out of sorts I suppose, not feeling like myself...whatever myself is supposed to feel like? Ok, too philosophical, I get it. I've been hitting the bingo hall a lot this week and don't have a penny to show for it, this after borrowing money from a coworker/friend (she offered it to me) after spending the last of my money at the bingo hall last week and not winning crap. Oh, sorry...I guess I did take home $12. I don't understand where the money goes...I'm a little disgusted with myself and guess I need to get all of this out of my system so that I can start to work within a budget after this bankruptcy. I have my 'court' date and am ready to just have all of this done so I can start over. Hopefully things will go off without too many hitches.

Dating Dip

After a very long, yet peaceful hiatus, I believe I am ready to jump back into the dating pool. I just have to decide which online service I will partake in. I think that the combination of school being out and summer on the horizon I am just ready for some company of the male persuasion. The trouble is, I don't enjoy the whole dating process. Where a lot of people love to meet new people and get to know them, I find it quite grueling and painstaking at times. There's entirely too much sorting that has to happen...I like this about the person, I don't like this about the person. Then you have to decide if the good outweighs the bad, let alone all of the questioning I pose to myself about what they could possibly be thinking about me. I'm just ready though, I'm not getting out there to meet people, so I guess I will need a third party to help with that. There is still such a desperate vibe for me with the whole online dating gig, but it does provide a wonderful opportunity to meet and come into contact with people I would probably never otherwise have the opportunity to meet. So...time to get my feet wet again. Here goes nothing, hopefully the first guy won't pee in my pool!

It's all a blur now!

I was very disappointed on Friday when I learned that I received a final grade of C+ in my Intro to Mass Comm class. I can't even remember the last time I got a C. It was not a good afternoon. I was somewhat recovered to see that I received an A- in my English class, so at least I have maintained my B average. I still didn't like the C+, but I will have to take my lump. I was very surprised to see that I did worse on the final in that class than I did on the midterm. I left that classroom last week after having taken the test and I felt very, very good about it. I felt that I had gotten a B or possibly even an A. I got 14 fewer points on the final than I did on the midterm, which resulted in a low C. I don't know what went wrong on that one, but now I don't really care either because I am done until September!

It Is Finished!

I just got back from turning in my final research paper, only 22hrs late. I made it through my first semester and while perhaps not with the brightest flying colors, I did make it unscathed. It actually really sucked having to walk past all the bars/restaurants as I walked the 10 blocks to deliver my paper since all the traditional students were busy celebrating the end of the semester. Boy did that cerveza look good today! Oh well, perhaps another time I will have to take the day off to celebrate properly. I am ready for my summer break now!

Hello...I'm Murphy's Law

What was supposed to have been the greatest day for me in a long time has been the longest, most horrific in a long time. Where do I begin? Ok, I'll start at 3am, since that's when my day began.

Since I didn't finish my final research project in time to turn it in when I went to school yesterday to take my last final, the plan was to run it over on my lunch hour today. Plan aborted. First of all, I was too wiped out after my final last night to really work much more on the paper, though I did do a bit when I got home (after watching a horrible Idol show). The plan was then to catch a few hours of shut eye and wake up refreshed and ready to finish the paper. I was up at 3am and did just that, with a few breaks and a LOT of coffee sandwiched in between. The next part of the plan was to forward my completed research paper to my e-mail since I don't have a functioning printer at home and would have to print it out at work. This is where things started to go awry. I was not able to forward the paper to any of a number of
e-mail addresses I attempted (5 in all, which could all be accessed from work). So, in a fit of frustration, and with no time left on the clock, I came into work hoping that by some miracle of events it may have forwarded somewhere. To no avail. Plan changed. After e-mailing my professor to explain the difficulties I had encountered, I decided I wouldn't abandon ship just yet. I decided to use my lunch hour to run home and save my paper to the disc in my drive so that I could still print it out and get it to her by 4:30pm today, which was the deadline. Well, you guessed it, no dice. Upon returning home, I discovered that what I believed to be a rewritable disc was in fact, not rewritable. Drove back to work, got a rewritable something or other to use in my computer at home to save the damn paper, returned home, thought I had saved the paper but yes, the paper was not saved. Now, to say I have been at my wit's end since around 7:30am this morning would be putting it very mildly indeed.

After my second unsuccessful round trip home and back, I decided to e-mail my professor for the 3rd time to tell her it didn't look like it was going to happen today. She did get back to me and extended her sympathies for my e-problems, saying tomorrow would be fine. I'm still wired beyond belief. Calgon...get your ASS over here!

A return to the (all too) familiar!

That's right...I was belly up again last night. There was a time when I thought I could never set foot in the bar again...that is, THE bar. In its' heyday, it really had an unnatural pull...one I could never quite put my finger on, but it was like a drug...it kept pulling me back and sucking me in. I believe I probably looked much like the above picture at the time. I've been there several times within the past month now and I'm starting to feel that gravitational pull again. Granted, it's not quite as strong as it once was (for 7+ years)...but it's tugging nonetheless. Perhaps there is some sentiment in the fact that this is the first bar I ever went to alone. I can thank the ex-boyfriend for that, we used to stop in once in a while and I got to know the bartender Dave, so I had absolutely no qualms about going up there one night by myself when the ex and I had a knock-down, drag-out. Turns out that was the first night of entirely too many nights. However, I got to know the gang and met some wonderful people, my best girl Stacy for one, who I can't imagine not having in my life...so for the most part it was worth it. They were dark, dark days though...days not easily revisited in my mind.

There's something almost hauntingly familiar about seeing the same faces I saw so very often for so very long. It's wonderful and yet, at the same time so incredibly sad. I guess it's hard to explain. I think that even though it's pulling at me again and I do enjoy stopping in periodically, the bottom line is that I just have no interest in returning to that life again. That was not a good time in my life and so even while I thought I was enjoying it so much then, in retrospect I realize just how horribly miserable and ridiculously depressed I was. I guess that feeling will always, in some way accompany my visits to this bar. I'm sure I'll be there a few more times and there are still people I'd like to see again that I haven't been able to yet, but I'm sure the pull won't reign victorious this time...I've had enough of that drug.

Is It Over Yet?

I have reached the point of no return with this semester. I have my final tonight (the one that was canceled last week) and I am no more prepared for it now than I was a week ago. I just want it to be over so I can focus on getting my research project completed before next Wednesday. I am now concerned that the 'A' I have been maintaining thus far will end up becoming a 'B' when all is said and done and, worse still, I don't care. My mantra lately has been 'it is what it is'...with both classes. I won't be at all surprised to be looking at a 'C' in my other class, since he grades on a flipping curve and not just straight percentage-wise, otherwise I have a solid 'B'. So, nothing short of acing the final will keep me from a 'C' in that class. Again, don't care...just need to be done.

And as for work...wow, whole 'nother story, don't want to be here at all anymore. Calgon...you know what to do!

Senselessness

My class and final were canceled tonight due to a bomb threat on the U of M campus. 8 buildings were evacuated and all classes/meetings were canceled for the remainder of the day. While my classroom building wasn't affected, it is near the campus mall which students were also told to steer clear of. I also park directly across the street from 2 of the buildings that were evacuated.

I was about to e-mail my professor to tell her I wasn't comfortable heading over there when she e-mailed us to let us know that she was canceling class. I certainly feel under prepared for the test so I suppose that it is a good thing that I now have an extra week to prepare. However, relief is not on the forefront right now. I am truly shaken by this and am equally disgusted with whoever was involved in it, since it appears that nothing has been found in the 4 hours they have been searching. In the past 2 days, 10 different states have had to deal with veiled bomb threats, mostly in schools...from elementary schools, high schools, colleges and universities, my school being the latest victim. It is all just so senseless. I'm just surprised by how shaken I am.

Haught for Naught

What a strange week this is for me. I was slotted to have a test tonight, a final exam tomorrow night and a class presentation and paper due on Thursday. After our professor sent out a revised study guide for tonight's test late yesterday afternoon, I freaked out after seeing that this study guide was for material I had not studied over the weekend. I double checked the syllabus to make sure I had my facts straight and e-mailed my professor back somewhat snidely stating that apparently we weren't going to be tested on the material in the syllabus for which I had studied all weekend long? He came back and said that's not what he saw in the syllabus but if I would prefer to take the test on the material I had studied, he would give me a week to test on the material everyone else had studied. Yes, it was my error...I read the syllabus incorrectly after having not had a problem reading the correct material all semester long. It's just been that kind of a week for me. So, I was very fortunate that he is a very unconventional professor and willing to work with his students in this way. I wiped the egg off my face, apologized to my professor for my error and thanked him for working with me.

So, now I have no test to take today since it isn't prepared, but will take it on Thursday after class, which does mean I will now have that test to continue studying for, the paper to prepare and the presentation to prepare for Thursday. None of this, of course, will commence until after tomorrow night's class, since I will be up close to all night preparing for my English final which I have tomorrow night. Haven't even started to look at that material...and I have a migraine today. Life is grand. I just keep telling myself that 3 weeks from Thursday I will be done, completely and blissfully done!

Connections

What is it that connects us to people? This is something I've been pondering for quite a while now and was prompted to finally post this after discussing connectedness with a friend earlier this evening. One of the reasons I've been really tossing this around is that there is a man that attends my church who I have a real connection with. We have seen each other outside of church, at other church-related activities, but always in a large group setting. Regardless of the size of the group function, he always makes it a specific point to seek me out. Although he is married with two grown children, we do have a real connection. However, I don't know what the true source of this attraction is. Initially, I was not drawn to him physically, but something drew us together...the first time we met. Ever since then, if I see him in church I linger afterward so I can say hello and talk with him. Usually, I don't even have to seek him out because he has already caught up with me. Without question, there is a mutual physical attraction there, but I know it runs deeper. I have not had the occasion to really pick his brain in an effort to discover what else might be lending to this unique connection, so I am left wondering. And I wonder well too. I wonder if it is, in fact, a shared experience, a common interest or common bond. Unfortunately it also isn't something that I can just come out and ask him, especially since he is off the market. Nonetheless, I would truly like to know what this glue is that holds us together.

People connect with certain people. I often think back to how and when my friendships were formed and I believe there has to be something akin for two people to initially connect, like personalities, a physical attraction, etc...then as you come to know that person better, you discover even more...goals and interests in common, shared life experiences, etc...That being said, there are also always those people with whom you are connected without ever really knowing why. This man is like that for me...again, admittedly I am physically attracted to him but that wasn't there from the start. I think the genuine affection he has for me probably lends well to that, after all, who doesn't appreciate attention from the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your deal). I just wonder if I'll ever know what it is that connects the two of us. I guess for now, I'll have to keep wondering...and keep my eyes open in church!

Is it May yet?

This is the longest 6 weeks of my life. Will this semester EVER end? I'm fried enough it just has to be done. But no, it isn't and I still have more to do than I even want to think about. I have decided to take the Summer off for sure though. My plan is to write this summer, write, write, write! I want to start my first book and I may get a really good jump on it so I'm very excited!

I officially declared English as my major a couple weeks ago, just because I don't have enough credits in the Journalism program to apply for that. So, since those are the two I was battling back and forth with, I'm thinking about a double major since they go so well together. Therefore, one would think I would want to be taking even more classes but I'm dropping down to just one for now. There is too much going on in my life right now to be able to handle that kind of course load and I don't want it to hurt my G.P.A.! So what if it takes me that much longer, at least I'll be able to enjoy the journey!

Spring Wonderland?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how the song goes. We should not have to be scraping our cars in mid-April. And I shouldn't have to be standing outside smoking a cigarette and freezing my ass off. Shape up Mother Nature...this isn't right!

It was a snow day...I didn't go to class tonight, if I had, I wouldn't be typing this post right now, but still sitting there. Shame on me, two days off work last week and now it will be two days off school this week. I can't help it...I don't stretch that thin. I am actually feeling a bit poopy...getting a sinus infection and just wiped out, and the weather sealed the deal for me tonight. I'm about to see who is leaving 'Idol' and I really hope it's Haley tonight. Then it's beddy bye time...seriously!

The ducks in the snow reminded me of the view outside my balcony. We have had the same pair of ducks at the apartment since I've been here, going on my 3rd year. Tonight I saw them take flight and looked outside to see their little footprints all across the snow in the back yard. Too cute!

A true test of memory!

Last night was not the first time I posted my second list of one hundred things. I just decided to go ahead and try it again when I got home from an Easter celebration with family. I had posted it earlier in the day, yesterday morning actually, but inadvertently deleted my post when I was attempting just to delete a picture I had attached to it. Sometimes I think the 'bloggers' directions really suck. So, my list was completely wiped out with absolutely no back up anywhere. I was quite disappointed to put it mildly and had no ambition to get right back to it. It took me a good hour and a half to do it the first time, and close to that the second as well. Plus, I knew there was no way I would be able to remember all 100 things that were randomly picked from my brain. I think I did a pretty good job though, although last night as I tossed and turned I began to remember a few more that I left off the second (or, shall we say third) time around. Could there be yet another set of one hundred idle thoughts rolling around?

Another hundred things!

Since a mere 100 things was far too scant a score, I offer here 100 more.

1. I am a poet in progress.
2. For my parent's 40th wedding anniversary, I wrote them a poem and presented it to them as a gift.
3. Fall is my favorite season.
4. Winter is my least favorite season.
5. I hate ironing.
6. My father and I butted heads a LOT when I was growing up, I seemed to always be angry with him.
7. While we still have our moments, I love him very dearly and tell him so often. We are the same person.
8. My mother and I have always been close. We are complete opposites.
9. My brother and I didn't particularly get along that well for the first 32 or 33 years of my life.
10. Today, I consider my brother to be one of my greatest blessings. While he is 21 months older than me, he waited a bit longer to grow up.
11. I am very proud of my brother. He has been a member of the volunteer fire department in our home town for 6 years.
12. My favorite flower is the daisy.
13. I've never broken a bone.
14. I have, however, suffered two concussions.
15. I once won a hairiest legs contest.
16. In high school, I swam on the swim team, played basketball (through sophomore year) and played softball.
17. I took figure skating lessons for 4 years.
18. I was in Suzuki piano for 2 years, participating in two play-thrus whereby I memorized two books of piano music (about 30 pieces in all) and played them through.
19. In 8th grade, I also participated in a national college-level competition.
20. I miss my piano. It is currently at my parents house as I have no room and it's a bitch to move.
21. I played the piano for my cousin's first wedding. They divorced. I don't play at weddings any longer.
22. Someday I would like to search for my biological parents.
23. I also hope that my firstborn child will want to meet me sometime.
24. I've never been downhill skiing.
25. I've only gone cross country skiing a handful of times, the results were disastrous, however...see #13.
26. I was the youngest of 10 grandchildren to get up on water skis at the cabin, at age 6.
27. Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark.
28. My favorite restaurant is Chevy's.
29. Two movies I never tire of watching are "Christmas Vacation" and "Singin' In The Rain".
30. I love attending plays and going to the theatre.
31. My favorite musical is "The Music Man".
32. Throughout my life, I have always had many friends. While some have come and gone, and some come back again, I have always had one or two very close friends.
33. Most of my friends are now married with children and families of their own.
34. As happy as I am for all of my friends, I am in equal part jealous of their lives, and feel as though I myself am standing still.
35. I become bored quite easily, most especially in my professional life.
36. I despise ruts, and am in constant flux.
37. I love to hand wash dishes.
38. My kitchen is always the cleanest room in my apartment.
39. My bedroom is always the messiest.
40. I have clutter down to a science.
41. In middle school I took the 1st place trophy for three 'Silver Skate Races' in my hometown, competing against both boys and girls of all ages.
42. I also won an alphabet belching contest, I was the only girl competing with three boys. My parents weren't as proud as I had hoped they'd be.
43. I've never been a girly-girl. I have terrible nails and rarely keep them polished.
44. However, I do love to dress up for special occasions and my toes are never without polish in the summer.
45. My feet are very small for my height. I am 5'10" tall and wear an 8 or 8 1/2.
46. I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life.
47. I am currently trying to lose weight. I have 100lbs to go...and it WILL go.
48. I love horror movies, a favorite is "Children of the Corn".
49. I have five piercings (in two ears) and no tattoos.
50. I hate exercising but love the feeling it gives me afterward.
51. I do not enjoy cooking.
52. I love to bake.
53. In high school, I wanted to be a marriage counselor.
54. My first career test had me pegged to be a garbage collector.
55. My favorite subject in high school was English.
56. I never took Biology, Geometry, Algebra or Trigonometry.
57. Despite my lack of scientific or mathematical prowess, somehow, I still manage to score above average on I.Q. tests.
58. I love being smart.
59. I hate stupid drivers. I scream at people in my car. Sometimes I hope they can hear me...or read my lips.
60. My favorite dessert is cheesecake.
61. I love to study. My mind is a sponge.
62. I think the ocean is a lonely creature.
63. My favorite body of water is the lake.
64. My maternal grandmother was one of my best friends. I lost her just over two years ago.
65. I delivered a eulogy at her funeral. I still miss her all the time.
66. I can't watch an episode of "Little House on the Prairie" without crying.
67. I've never understood soccer.
68. The Winter Olympics are my favorite.
69. I've been to 11 of the 50 states. There have been a few others but I'm not counting airport layovers.
70. I have very eclectic musical tastes, so eclectic that I do not even have a favorite band.
71. I do like any form of rap music, whatsoever.
72. My favorite poet is Edgar Allen Poe.
73. My favorite poem of his is "The Bells".
74. I get very lonely sometimes. I hate when people can't differentiate 'aloneness' with loneliness.
75. Sometimes I get so lonely all I can do is cry out to God.
76. I drive people crazy correcting their grammar and punctuation.
77. I want to learn Russian someday...I think it's the most romantic language.
78. I don't really find mountains that beautiful, or even majestic. They're just big rocks, after all.
79. I think the desert is terribly boring.
80. I have always been an excellent speller but have never participated in a spelling bee.
81. I never missed one episode of 'Dallas'.
82. I still didn't know who shot J.R.
83. I love red wine.
84. Bozo is still my favorite clown ever...'The Grand Prize Game' was the bomb.
85. My first undergraduate degree is in Early Childhood Family Education. I taught 2-4yrs olds for five years.
86. I hate that preschool gets such a bad rap.
87. I still cringe when I hear people refer to it as 'day care'. They don't realize that from age 0-5 we accumulate 50% of the knowledge we will attain in our entire lifetime. And THAT doesn't take some teaching?
88. I love candles.
89. I'm a terrible bowler.
90. I still dream of my wedding day, just as I did when I was a little girl.
91. I love solitude and spending long stretches of time alone.
92. I used to pretend I was married to Eric Estrada.
93. My favorite soft drink is Diet Coke. I think people that can't successfully pass the Pepsi/Coke challenge have broken taste buds.
94. I love an English accent...I melt like buttah.
95. I can't stand Ellen Degeneres or Rosie O'Donnell.
96. My dislike for these two women has nothing to do with their sexual preferences, I have close friends that are gay...but they are not annoying, like I find Ellen and Rosie to be.
97. I love fresh air.
98. I am very funny, witty and great with one-liners, however, I'm a terrible joke teller.
99. I love the smell of gasoline, I always have. Growing up I wanted to work at a gas station so I could smell it all day long.
100. I can't stand the smell of freshly mowed grass.

You wanna what?

I coulda been Mrs. Robinson, I coulda been a contender. I was asked out by a 21-year old KID on Tuesday, while spending a slightly lazy day at home. I'm not sure that I allowed myself to be flattered, I was too astounded to be honest. What a sad reality for me. I haven't been on a date in over 3 years now and really have no desire to at this point, I'm seriously too busy with life to think about it. And I'm ok with that. However, even if I were looking to date, that would be some serious cradle-robbing there, even though he felt it necessary to tell me he was 'legal'. Perhaps even more sad for him?