Crossroads?

Once again, I am getting very restless in my job and am really hankering for a change soon. There are advantages and disadvantages to where I'm at right now, the number one advantage being that I have been here for 4 years and 4 months now (yes, the longest I've held down any full-time job) and it's comfortable, even though I don't care much for my job at all. The number one disadvantage is that the benefits basically suck and I pay through the nose for them. Another advantage is that I make a fairly decent income with my current employer and it provides stability, which is never a bad thing. When I started this job in 2004, I promised myself I would not make a move (voluntarily, that is) just to get out of there if I was unhappy, but rather it would be a move more on the permanent side and hopefully something I found a great deal of interest and enjoyment in. That's where my main struggle is right now, I don't know where to go or what I really want to do. That's not true, I'd prefer to be at home, barefoot and pregnant, only that's not an option since we are a two-income household. I guess I'll just have to keep mulling things over...I figure there's just GOT to be something out there that has a better benefit package. We're hoping to be pregnant within a year and right now I don't even have paid maternity leave here, so that would be a good place to start. Ok, I'm done venting now. I guess I better get back to my crummy job.

Mr. and Mrs. T!

That's right...I'm Mrs. T now! Just had a few honeymoon pictures from our trip to St. Louis and thought I would share a few of my favorites! We fell in love with the city and could easily live there someday...we even picked out our neighborhood!

The following pictures are from Busch Stadium (home of the St. Louis Cardinals). We didn't get to see a game because the Cards were out of town all week but we did catch two Royals games in Kansas City. We opted to take a tour of the stadium instead, which was very cool!


This is so awesome...outdoor baseball is fantastic in the first place but can you imagine having this as a backdrop at home plate?
The following pictures were taken at the Missouri Botanical Gardens, one of our favorite day trips and we still didn't have enough time to see everything!


Those are just a few favorites from the highlights of our trip. I hope to have some wedding pictures to share soon!

I'm Hitched!

I'm back to work today, freshly married and honeymooned (pictures to follow). My secret pleasure of the day has been looking at all of my paper memos and e-mails with my new married name...it looks so good! Somehow, it makes it all even that much more official! I am so ridiculously happy and I love to hear my new husband say "You look good married". I was just bursting at the seams on our wedding day...which ended up being beautiful and sunny (albeit slightly windy) and not rainy and/or snowy as had been predicted! I just beamed the entire day, it was all so wonderful. The honeymoon was fantastic and we think we may have discovered the next place we want to live when the cold and snow finally drives us out of MN!

I'm so happy that even being back to work today can't damper my spirits much anyway. I'd certainly rather still be on my honeymoon with my husband, but it's doable today. I'm quite anxious to get our pictures back now of course! Just wanted to check in as a married woman and will be back with pictures when I have them!

Sadie, Sadie...old lady?

So, I've been floating around very lightfooted...anxious to be married to the man of my dreams. I have also been found to be singing a song from an all-time favorite movie "Funny Girl"..."Sadie, Sadie...Married Lady". My future mother-in-law (as in 3 days in the future) majorly burst my joyful little bubble on Sunday when she uttered "In 6 days, there will be another Mrs. Tilseth". Suddenly that spring in my step felt more like a 200lb anchor and Mrs. Tilseth didn't sound as enchanting as Fanny Brice made 'Mrs. Arnstein' sound in the movie. Just the idea of becoming a Mrs. was somewhat devastating...made worse with the fact that my adoring fiance' readily agreed with me when I said 'that makes me feel old' by saying 'honey, you are old'. Well, I'll still always have 4 years on him! I just found it funny, in an odd sort of way, that a silly title like that can have such an impact on the way we view things.

Oh well, Mrs. Tilseth or not...I'm still looking forward to married life, starting with a nice relaxing honeymoon next week where I will be refusing to think about work or anything else! But first, the joyous event which will turn me from Miss to Mrs. with a few words and an exchange of rings and a kiss! I guess I'm officially excited again!

I do...I do...I do!

I've finally reached that place of peace, contentment, anticipation and excitement that is no longer marred by worry, anxiety, doubt and genuine freaked outedness! The last wedding hurdle has been cleared, the last fire extinguished and now, with 4 days until the wedding...everything is in place and ready and we can just wait peacefully. What a glorious feeling! My coordinator just today asked me if I was remembering to stay calm and let everybody else worry about the details. And it was only as of about 35 minutes ago that I was able to say yes! However, it was a resounding yes! I'm not even concerned about the weather anymore, especially since that is the one thing we absolutely have no control over! Just somewhere around 1 1/2 work days left and then I will have seven glorious days off.

I really must commend myself too for the way I have handled myself through this entire process. I've learned something (through the eyes of my fiance') about my mother during the planning of my wedding. She really can be quite an uptight person and very edgy. Steven noticed this virtually right away and commented on how wound she is. I guess I just never really noticed it that much before, and yet, this is the first wedding I've planned with her too! At times when I was feeling relatively calm and unconcerned about things, she would get me all riled up to the point of my becoming confused and questioning things I thought I already had figured out! It was challenging to say the least and I did have a few 'Bridezilla' moments and also times where I just broke into tears and fell apart for no apparent reason at all except to just want it all to end right then and there! I just know that everything is going to come together so beautifully and perfectly on our day, even if the snow decides to fly after all. We are beyond ready and so very excited to become man and wife.

Ain't Life Peculiar?

This morning, as I was taking my daily jaunt to my page on "The Knot" I was just struck with the absurdity that life can sometimes bring. Perhaps that isn't the right word, providential might be more in line with my train of thought here? When Steven and I started dating last August I began dreaming of our wedding day (things really did happen that quickly) and after his proposal in September I decided to go to "The Knot" and start our fictitious page. I entered a 'fictitious' wedding date, aiming for September of '08 and began to dream some more, all the while questioning whether or not we would really make it there. This morning I went to the page (my favorite thing to do for the past couple weeks) to look at our lucky number and was struck by how crazy life can be...the number no longer read 100+ but NINE (that's right, the number between 8 and 10) and it's no longer a 'fictitious' number but an ACTUAL number. And it is no longer visited only by yours truly, but by many friends and family members as well, who are all counting down and preparing for the big celebration with us! Who woulda thunk? At the time of Steven's proposal I thought a year from then was going to be too soon and here we are just 8 months later, ready to do the deed. I couldn't be more thrilled, even in the face of such peculiarities!

18 and Life!

How funny that I should be thinking of Skid Row today. I hope that's not some bad omen or anything! My favorite thing to do lately (Steven's too) is count down the days to our wedding. I think we started at 30 or something. Today marks 18 days to go and I have had Skid Row's "18 and Life" song in my head all morning, as though my pending marriage is some type of prison sentence. Oh, to be a child of the 80's is not always a good thing.

On the contrary...I couldn't be looking more forward to the big day! We are at a point now where all of the major stuff is in place and it's just the minor details. Boy, nobody ever told me those were the ones that would really forge the migraines! There's so much, my head has been spinning non-stop. I just want to be sure everything is in place so that I don't miss anything because the last thing I want to be doing is worrying about all of it on my wedding day! The plan (which I hope to execute perfectly!) is to not worry about anything. I know things won't go perfectly but I should still be able to perfectly enjoy the day. Today I get to go pick up my ring FINALLY! We picked it out over a month ago and have been chipping away at it slowly and today I will be able to make the final payment and pick the ring up! It was so good that I had to wait though, and even be ring-less for 3 out of 4 showers, because it has helped me focus on the things that really matter. I've never been material, but let's face it, a girl loves a diamond! It will just be fun to be 'officially' engaged for 18 days before the wedding. Well, 'official' as in the way the world looks at it. Ok, I want the bling and will be thrilled to have it!

Six Weeks to the altar!

I just have no idea where the time has gone. Just six weeks now until the big day and I'm feeling surprisingly prepared. We seriously planned this shindig in like 5 weeks. It CAN be done! And it's going to be beautiful...I am so excited. I've never been happier in my life and feel so incredibly blessed. God is good indeed! Just a few minor details to tend to and we should be ready to roll. Hopefully I'll have lots of fun pictures to post when it's all said and done! This is our engagement picture, I just love how happy we both look! We truly are and I look forward to a lifetime of happiness with Steven!

Here Comes The Bride!!!!

Wow, is it time to dust off the old blog or what???!!! What better reason for a new post then to announce (yes, most likely to myself) that I am getting married on May 3, 2008! I am beyond excited about things and am busy planning but it has sure been lots of fun so far, for the most part! The invitations are going out in the mail this Saturday, which is incredibly hard to believe! I will post of picture of the happy couple...although Steven decided to keep his eyes half-closed! More later...just had to share the great news!

I'm Back!

Things are still going great with Steven...he's basically moved in to my place now and it's so wonderful to 'almost' officially have him there. We just have the key situation to figure out, and soon! It's not all perfect and we've had our fair share of skirmishes but overall I'd say we're doing just wonderful! We really do love each other and that's the most important thing.

I'm able to type this because I have a functioning computer at home again! Yay me! Steve just turned it on when he was home the other day and said it was just fine. Very strange, but it's great to be able to blog again! Work has really cracked down big time on internet usage so I can't even access my blog (or anyone else's) without using some of my allotted 'quota time'. It's so ridiculous. Apparently, they haven't driven enough people out of that company they thought they'd try another tactic to shake some more up. I really need a new job. But, right now I really need to start laundry and cleaning since Steve is working anyway. I'll check in later this week if I have a chance!

The Jury Is In!

Well, Joseph is out of the picture and it's all Steven! Things are going wonderfully well and I know I will marry this man. It tends to still sometimes have a bit of a surreal feel to it, but mostly it's just been amazing. He is so special to me and we have such wonderful times together. All of our friends tell us how happy we look together, like we're just meant to be. What a wonderful thing to hear! So, I could gush forever about him but I'll keep it short. I could have much more interesting blogs now with all of our new adventures together! I look forward to a life of sharing, loving and warmth with Steve! I could not be happier.

Back in the Saddle Again!

As it turns out...the dating thing is not, in fact, on hold. I ended up meeting a guy last Friday that had e-mailed me from myspace last week. His name is Steve and he looks like this (1st pic above). We talked on the phone after I had asked him if he wanted to join us at Canterbury for the evening. I think he freaked out (just a tiny bit maybe) and said he'd like to talk with me on the phone to get to know me a little better first. So, he called me Friday and we chatted and decided to meet for a walk, which actually turned out to be a short walk and then we sat at a picnic table for a while and chatted. We hit it off pretty well, didn't run out of conversation material and he was very complimentary and sweet to me. He's a super nice guy, that's for darn sure. So, he was very busy telling me how beautiful I am and how gorgeous my eyes are and we were just sitting facing each other, then I think we hugged and I initiated the first kiss, which was quite nice. He decided to accompany me to Canterbury, everyone liked him a lot...we went back to Dana's for a while with Suzanne and the gang and held hands a bit. He dropped me off (since we had dropped my car at the apartment before heading to the track) and we made out in his truck for quite a while. Then, I talked to him on the phone a couple times on Saturday, he called right away in the morning on his way to his softball tournament to thank me again for the night before and tell me what an awesome time he had and I ended up seeing him on Saturday night for a while again with Stacy. Last night we talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours and it flew by like nothing! He's taking me to dinner tonight and I am really looking forward to seeing him again, even more so than I thought I would be. He is just so thoughtful, considerate, charming, complimentary, flattering and unassuming...what girl isn't going to like that.

And apparently, when it rains it pours. As I said in my previous post, in a fit of disappointment I decided to cancel my Match.com subscription and the very next day had an e-mail from a very cute guy, who I have since e-mailed and just heard back from today. His name is Joseph and he is on the right above. I'm hoping that I will hear back from him but it should be interesting because Suzanne committed a rather grave error earlier this morning. She's been keeping tabs on all the goings on and wanted me to forward the e-mail that Joseph had sent me. So, I did that, only when she replied to it she mistakenly sent it to Joseph instead of to me. There wasn't anything awful said, except that she said something about how it sounded like he came from money too, which is never a bad thing! So, I pretty much just laughed it off but she was really upset with herself. I ended up e-mailing Joseph and explaining the error and I said that I hoped he hadn't taken offense at anything that was said or the fact that I shared it with her in the first place. I really hope that I hear back from him though because, as you see, he is a beautiful man! He already mentioned potentially meeting for a drink sometime so I hope to hear back soon.

But, for the time being...I'm very much looking forward to my dinner with Steve tonight! It feels so great to be dating again.

FUGEDDABOUTIT!

So, the online dating gig reached an entirely new level of creepiness...enough to scare me away from it for quite a while actually. Match.com sent me my new matches for the day this morning and I was 'matched' with a guy I graduated from high school with. Wasn't attracted to him then and am not attracted to him now...since he hasn't changed one bit in the last 18 years! What is it about men not aging...ugh!

Oh well, it turns out that it's ok I'm putting the dating thing on hold since I have decided that the weight loss should come first and should definitely require my entire focus. Plus, school starts back up in one month (less than, actually) so I will have that on my plate as well. I'm starting Weight Watchers tomorrow and am sticking with it until EVERYTHING is gone...100+ lbs. I think I can do it within 1 year and by then I will be feeling better about lots of things, well, at least that's my guess. If anyone should feel so inclined as to follow my progress through the next year...I have started a new blog to track my weight loss journey. Here is my new URL, http://weightbgone07.blogspot.com/.

Wish me luck!!!!

Players Need Not Reply!

A few weeks ago I decided to venture back onto the dating scene, or at least test the waters. I'm about to get back onto dry land. I have my toes dipped into several different sites, taking advantage of all that I can do free of charge. I have had the most success with one particular site, though I have yet to actually meet anyone in person. There are just too many players and weirdos out there apparently. I was supposed to (potentially) meet up with a guy I had spoken at length with last week and via the phone once as well. Now, he's gone cold shoulder on me and I really want to give him a piece of my mind (and nothing else to go with it), but I don't even know if it's worth my time and effort. Freakin' jerks. I'm tired of it already and have been reminded of why I usually don't bother. Aye caramba...I give up already!

Basket Case

Yes, there is too much on my plate...literally and figuratively. I am on the very brink of so many things here and just don't know where my focus should go. I know without question that it can't be evenly distributed...I'm just not made that way. Oh, sure I can multi-task at work but when it comes to my personal life, it's just easier for me to place all my eggs in one basket, shall we say.

#1 - Post-bankruptcy, I really need to work on creating a realistic, livable budget and stop living outside of my means. I do believe that's what got me into this fine mess in the first place. So, my financial life should be taking up a large part of my time and efforts just so I can get back on track here with things.

#2 - I am also itching to start dating again and have dipped my feet in several on-line services, merely taking advantage of the free trial periods before I decide which, if any, I want to pay to use. The whole concept rather irks me and adds a whole new dimension to the desperation factor, but I guess it is what it is.

#3 - The dating thing is somewhat on the backburner because I also really want to lose weight and just don't feel that happy with myself, which makes me question whether I should really be concentrating on the dating thing.

So, therefore I don't really know where to put my eggs, so to speak...since they really are most comfortable when all in the same basket. And let's face it...at this stage in my life, I really need to keep the eggs happy since my hope is that someday they'll return the favor!

Welcome to my 37th year!

Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday Dear Trudy...Happy Birthday to me!!!! Call me pathetic, I don't care...I'm 36 today and I'm going to celebrate even if I have to sit at my crappy desk at my crappy job all day long. This sucker of a day only comes around once a year and I'm going to celebrate! So here's to me and here's to me again, Happy Birthday!

Endless Night

It's 3:51pm and I don't think I'm anywhere close to this work day ending. How sad for me. Yesterday was a horrendous day as our main system was down the entire day, which did not help us to prepare what little we could have prepared for month end today. So, as a collective group yesterday afternoon, we decided that we would stay as late as necessary tonight so that we would not have to come in on Saturday as well. I'm afraid we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. Ugh! Unfortunately, I will not be coming in tomorrow since it will be the last chance I have to see my parents before they leave for the winter (and late Summer and Fall). So, it could get quite ugly here. Hopefully, I can get a few hours' sleep before hitting the road tomorrow morning! Happy 4th of July all!

Day 1 - almost

"If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories"

This is my last day of food freedom! I signed up for Weight Watchers today and will go for my first weigh-in tomorrow, although I have an idea of where I'm at. This also means, of course that I'll need to start my exercising again. That's always a bitch to get going on, I just hate it. However, given that I also decided to quit smoking this week...that should make it somewhat easier for me. So, now I'm trying to decide what I want my 'last meal' to be. In the event that I don't make it to a meeting tomorrow as intended, I'll go on Tuesday, which is going to be my regular meeting day. I am really pumped to get moving on this, it's a real late start, considering half of it was supposed to be gone by my birthday (which is now in 3 weeks). So, I suppose I'll have to set a new goal now. Three weeks from today I will be down 7lbs. Woohoo, here I go!

P.C. Gone Wild?

This just strikes me as hilarious. So, apparently just certain departments or certain people receive recognition/celebrations/decorations on their birthdays...I won't go in to trying to figure that out right now because it really makes no sense anyway.

So, on to the hilarity. I will preface this by saying that I have no prejudices, ill feelings or any negative association with homosexuals whatsoever. As I have stated before, I have friends that are gay and "to each his own" is a favorite and oft quoted motto of mine. That aside, there is a lesbian in our accounting department and it happens to be her birthday today. She also happens to be one of the lucky few who has received the birthday accoutrement. I fear that those in charge of decorating her cube may have been very confused and/or nervous as to just how to do so without offending or misstepping in any way, shape or form. The result was utterly ridiculous, if I do say so myself. She also happens to be a hockey player and so her cube is doused with inflatable hockey sticks and a sign that says 'Hockey Birthday'. It is more masculine than any of the cubes I have previously seen decorated for the men in the building. I can hardly wait to see what the gift is. People, sometimes simple just is best.

Oh well, whatever gets me the free brownie and ice cream for birthday dessert.

Sulky Wednesday

I am sulking today...a lot, actually. They say you should stick to what you're good at and I will admit...I can sulk with the best of them! My miserable existence is prime sulking ground right now. First off, my $300 reimbursement for the dental work I had completed in Mexico in February ended up being a $15.65 reimbursement. Why should my luck change now, right? So, I was planning to take the check, have a friend/co-worker cash it today and have myself a real grand night out on the town at bingo. The friend/co-worker called in sick today, forgetting that this $15 check was pretty damn important to me right now, I've been peppered with phone calls and messages from an unrequited love of mine who I have been trying to shake now for months which is not helping to settle the sulking at all. Just more of the same from him, words that mean absolutely nothing to me. So, that's not pleasant.

I'm going to turn this day around though...I promise you, I will. My girl Stacy and I are going to bingo tonight, whether I have to hawk the damn dvd player or not and we are winning big, and when I say big...I'm not talking little. Later, I'm off to sulk.